His Reactions

Yesterday he told me how he has been looking for a place to rent since the beginning of the year.

I was a lil surprised by this as he never mentioned that… I mean I get why. In  the beginning of the year I was giving him time to look for a place, after the whole Virtual Emptional Affair….but somewhere along the line we managed to make up and get back on track…

Anyway today we haven’t spoken….well atleast I have refrained from speaking to him and I don’t intend to speak to him unless I have to…I know this is rather immature 

But throughout the night he would call me “Babes…Babes…” after about the 3rd “Babes” I would respond and then he would go on as if everything is fine and we are what we were before this weekend.

I cooked tonight and he managed to wake up, from his nap on the couch, to serve himself supper. Afterwards he thanks me, addressing me in his Pet Name for….Mrs. B

Tonight we had our “Family Meeting” – this is when our dear old President Cyril Ramaphosa will broadcast live to the country about the Covid state we are in and any changes to pur restrictions and what WHO says etc etc. Everytime Cyril brings up the importance of getting vaccinated and the seriousness of this new strain my husband ‘zaps’ him and will then laugh. Like seriously,  what the actual fuck? I just kept quiet and in my mind prayed that he would wake up and see the importance of getting vaccinated and the importance of protecting ourselves. You would think that he would be concerned…I mean he refuses to look into getting himself any kind of health care, so G-d forbid anything we’re to happen to him, what is going to happen? His family can barely afford to feed themselves, I basically fit all our bills and provide for him….what is he going to do?

I keep wondering what is he going to do when he leaves…my husband’s sister has 4 kids, a baby daddy who hasn’t got a job (Last I heard), his mother isn’t working, his father lives in the UK and is apparently sending money to his sister. I know he sends a couple of hundred rand to his sister every month. He told me he stopped, but I know he still does…I don’t wish them or anyone any pain or hardship, but on the same note I want him to see how good he had it with me and I want him to look hard at himself and regret choosing to loose me. And I further pray that I stay strong and stick to my word.

May I remember the last 9+ years and not hold onto the laughs and good times and love we shared, but instead remember all the tears, the shouting, swearing and pain I have felt.

I regret to think how much my father spent on our wedding…and how we didn’t even make it to 3 years. But I have to be sure that my father will still be proud of me and know that this is the right thing.

I do hope he leaves at the end of this week.