Halloween Escapades and New Normals.

Hey everyone!

Covid is feeling pretty overwhelming to us right now. I live within three hours of my family, that has never happened in my adult life. My hopes were that we would be able to have so many get togethers and make up for lost time. We havent been able to. My niece Santanna, the one from the car accident, cannot get covid or she will likely die. Finn cannot get covid as he has health issues that make him more likely to die. So we are both really really covid careful. We dont really do anything or go anywhere with the exception of our Denver Trip last month, but even then we just went to the doctors offices. Anyway, we had a tree fall and Jeff needed help with it as it was extremely heavy. We decided since we are all in isolation and symptom free (and Santanna just got a negative test) that we would spend the weekend together. It was so nice to spend the weekend with my sister and her family, especially because 3 and a half years ago we werent talking and hadnt talked for 8 years. I am so blessed to have her back in my life. Anyway we decorated cookies, did house/yard work, got Trick Or Treats delivered to us contact free, had pizza, and watched movies all weekend. It felt nice to be seen as a mom of a disabled child and the exhaustion that brings. Jeff and my brother in law get along so nice and I know it was nice for him to have someone else to talk to as well. I dont know if we will see them again this winter. With them being in Wisconsin and us in Illinois its hard for me to feel comfortable getting together if these numbers keep rising. Its not worth it. I guess that would be a good bridge to how Covid is affecting our lives!

We moved to a new area 13 hours from our last home. We have not met our new neighbors by shaking hands, we have only said hello over the fence. We also never said good bye to our old friends in Denver. We are very much living like the shut down in March. We shop once or twice a month. We do not see anyone. We wipe down all of our purchases. Masks, handwashing, hand sanitizer. My sister is the only person who we have hung out with in this pandemic with the exception of my in laws (and then we quarantined for 14 days). My step father was diagnosed with stage five lung cancer, my aunt was diagnosed with stage one, my little sister had a baby, two of my brothers are having a baby, one brother is getting married, and my brother was in the hospital with kidney failure. All of these things are things I could have gone home for had it not been for covid. I am close enough to be there after all the babies are born, but I cant go see them. I could have gone home to help my mom with her husband and my brother and I wasnt able to because of covid. All of this sucks so bad. I miss my family. I miss them because this is the first time I am close to them. I miss them because seeing them is a possibility. Jeff is also no longer able to drive Lyft for extra money because Covid.

I am also having to do virtual school for the kids, its exhausting honestly. I feel so overwhelmed some days, making sure 6 kids get their proper attention in school. All of Finns therapies are online now as well. My agoraphobia is getting so much worse as the cases rise. I find myself sometimes unable to get out of bed in the morning because I am so scared of it. I havent had therapy for a month (I have it this week) so hopefully its just that and not something else. IDK.

Okay, so that is how Covid affects us, I cannot wait until its over. I know that we are very blessed in the amount Covid has taken from us, I am just tired of feeling so unsettled because I havent been able to explore my new city or meet my new neighbors.

I am really excited to get writing again, I think itll help me sort my thoughts again. I know this was kind of a boring entry but the rest should be more exciting lol!