So it was rough going at first, but I have to say I’m proud of myself.
My plan to drastically cut down my alcohol consumption is fully underway. My parents left Jan 16 and I didn’t cut out all alcohol 100% that first day, but I cut way down, and sort of weaned myself I guess, as pathetic as that is. I didn’t do it that way on purpose. I had left over booze in the house, which was a great excuse to have that evening cocktail or 2. But I didn’t have much left, so I stretched it out. Just a little champagne, or 2 small mixed drinks, or 1 stupid frozen thing each night…maybe 3 nights…and that was it. Haven’t drank since, except once or twice that I had a couple of beers at Brandi’s but didn’t enjoy them (the beer, that is- not the company). I definitely feel 100% better and that was the goal. I think my stomach spent all of December in a state of "bloat". I was feeling so great until Thanksgiving when I went home and ate pumpkin cheesecake every day, and I haven’t gotten back to myself after the holiday binges (over consumption in general- smoking, drinking, eating, etc). until recently. Well, I’m back bitches! Whew- that was 2 months of feeling like shit and probably looking like shit too! Feels good to be in a state of health again, which is the "normal" me.
Speaking of– Paul had his marathon last weekend, and with all of that, we have been watching tons of those documentaries on food, and reading my old books, and getting back into the mode of what we know is healthiest for us and our family. Can I just say, I love "forks over knives" and "food matters", and everyone should check them out– free on Netflix instant streaming. I was raised on that same mind frame, because the 2 doctors my mom has always worked for believe in exactly those principals: Prescribing nutrition as a treatment for all that ails us, as opposed to medication. This is not news to me. I was a vegan for 8 years, and a vegan when I met Paul. Being the chef that he is…he slowly turned me vegetarian, and then a few years later I was eating meat too. And in the past 3 years I’ve been still eating "well" but strayed pretty far from my vegan roots. Its not about being vegan for me, and DEFINITELY not for Paul (he wont say the word "vegan"); its about having a plant based diet of whole foods, and nourishing our body with our foods, not eating without thinking. Paul cut out all meat and dairy products during training for his second marathon. He lost 30 pounds and had never ran better, felt better, looked better, or "behaved" better, if I can say that. The way he is dealing with his emotions is astounding to me. He is in control of his stress and anxiety for the first time since I’ve known him. I think he’s been eating this way and training for 18 weeks. He ate some fish after the run (we went to sushi, which is still my all time favorite thing to eat- my death row meal) and splurged a little bit in other ways, but after watching some of these documentaries again this week, we are really motivated to keep our bodies healthy and make it a priority to nourish our daughter with whole foods (luckily I can say I am pretty proud of Lucy’s diet thus far, in her 18 months, more on that later maybe). Its not a chore- its a lifestyle that we are passionate about. But its not easy- obviously…I strayed for a long time and I don’t regret it, but I really feel called to getting back into a healthy way of living. And that started with dropping the alcohol, and now I’m working on the other facets of my health. I really feel great again!
We are still thinking about a pregnancy this year, God Willing. We haven’t talked out any specifics yet because I’m scared Paul will reject my ideas without listening to them, if he is scared and not quite ready for another baby. He said he wanted to have another, but he didn’t say anything about WHEN. So I don’t want to scare him off. We did talk about having #2 while I’m still in school, which means he must be pretty close to the same mental time frame as me…I have no more than 2 years left of school (and lets not forget a baby takes 9 months to grow!). He text me randomly that I’m going to be "that pregnant girl" on the campus, lol. I gave him all my reasoning’s, via text, why that is just fine with me, and in fact, the better idea! rather than waiting. I know we cant wait until I’m done with nursing school and get some elusive job. You cant fight for a good job and then get knocked up right after they hire you. I wouldn’t want that for myself, and my employer certainly wouldn’t want that either.
I’m still hoping to start trying in march (getting pregnant in March would be ideal timing) but I don’t always feel ready for that. I am excited and sometimes I want this whole plan to come together…other times I think, "what, am I CRAZY!? Another baby!? More sleepless nights, all over again?" It wasn’t too long ago that Lucy was waking a million times a night and I thought I would never survive. And I wasn’t going to nursing school all day back then! This time I will be juggling 2 kids and a tight class schedule. I have every reason to get nervous about going through with this second baby, because I know it wont be easy. But when is it ever easy?? It never will be. Even if I was a stay at home mom forever, I would still be nervous about juggling 2 babies at home alone all day. Luckily my parents will be moving down here…they are hoping by Easter, but who knows…but I could probably count on them being here before I actually deliver, even if I get pregnant this March, which is the earliest time I would CONSIDER trying. I’d love to have a December baby, as I wrote before, and then have the option of taking spring semester off, or take a lighter load. December seems so soon though……….scary, and exciting.
My LuLu got her toes painted when I went with the girls to get pedicures. Lauren painted them while the real nail artist was doing Brandi’s 🙂 Look how full her hair is getting! I love her hair. Its white-blonde and curly and everyone comments on it. I cant put it in a pony tail now too, which is too cute. She will be 19 months this month on the 20th…Oh where does the time go? I just love her. She is the sweetest thing. She kisses Paul tenderly on the lips now when he asks for a kiss good bye. It kills me! She hugs me and says, "Oh Momma."