sneaky sneaky

I am purely amazed that I have access to OD at work! Everything else is blocked…I thought I’d just try this and see. I do not have time to be doing this by any means, but I have 4 out of 5 things marked off my to do list today, and I thought I’d take an actual break instead of eating lunch while working on the computer. I’m being a really bad employee right now by doing this, but I don’t care. Today is super slow anyway and I’ve gotten almost everything done.

My hip is bothering me more than it ever has! Last night was torture…it started hurting in the evening and didn’t stop. I went to bed at 2 and I knew it was going to suck. I couldn’t sleep at all. I tossed and turned and hurt and got so frustrated. I ended up out on the couch at 5am and slept there, sort of, until 7:30. Then I heard the roofers start working, loudly, and I went back to my bed and tried to sleep until 9am when my alarm went off. I was suprisingly OK after I started getting ready and I haven’t been very tired today. But I do take my GNC vita pack everyday, the beHOT packs, and there are pills in there that give you energy and they definately work when the fatigue is mild. My hip is still driving me crazy today at work; even when I walk I can feel it grinding, so luckily I got in to see my Chiro tonight after work before 6pm. I will have to race out of here early to get there but it should be fine. I really really really need an adjustment!!! DAMN! I took a IBprofin 600 at 5am and it only got me till 7:30.

My new haircut is kind of pissing me off…he parted my hair wrong before cutting what were suposed to be whispy side swept bangs. So when I parted my hair this morning to the side as I normally would, the part in front was way longer than the rest. ANNOYING. I will have to work with it.

I’m trying really hard to get on the good eating wagon again but its not easy. I have the drive and desire, its just hard at work. There is never anything healthy around except for loads of fruit, which I always eat a lot of, but that can only get you so far. Today for breakfast oddly enough I ate some whole wheat pasta (leftover) about the portion size of a lean cuisine or something, just a small bowl. At work today I’ve had half a coffee cup of chilled peach soup (peaches pureed with OJ, and *gasp* a little wee bit of sour cream) and some fresh strawberries. I’m not hungry at all now but I will be later and I need to be careful. There is nothing but carbs around this place–rolls galore. And we don’t have much at home.

I’d like to get back into the gym but its just sooooo hard for some reason to start again after being such a loser and skipping. I feel so shitty about myself that I can’t even do myself that favor and get my ass on the treadmill. I wish I had a personal trainer. I wish I could move this week, and start all over, and I’d spend my first day in a new town at the gym.

On that note, florida feels more and more right. I have this thing about instincts…I really truly beleive in my gut feelings. If something FEEL more "right" than something else, I believe its going to happen, and it should happen. Even when I had my pregnancy scare last month, I used this to guide me. I had all the symptoms–everything. I was over 2 weeks late on my period–which never happens. I felt SO different than I ever have felt before. All the girls at work told me it sounded like pregnancy. They even figured out my due date and discussed it with giggles. I did go ahead and buy a couple of preg tests–negative. The whole time, even though I believed it were possible that I could be pregnant, it just didnt feel right. I didn’t have that gut instinct that I was pregnant. It didnt feel like the right time. It felt all wrong. And it was. Thats how I feel about this next move.

The first big offer we got was at Yosemite national park, at the Awanee hotel, in California of course. From the very BEGINIING it didn’t feel right to me. It sure did to Paul though! He was so excited, it was embrassing. I kept telling him No, and he kept getting upset. I tried to consider it, and I believe that I really did. I researched the place thouroughly, even downloaded employment pakets off the internet 50 pages long. I pictured myself there with Paul, working and living. It didn’t feel right. There was no real reason that it couldn’t be the place–the jobs were okay and it would be fun to live in Yosemite…but it didnt feel right. After we officially decided against it, friends told us of friends they know who’ve worked there and how it didn’t work out for them. There were many negatives about the place that we discovered later on. Either way, it just didnt feel right!

Boston and Minniapolis don’t feel either way, right or wrong. It could happen, it may not. But this job in Florida feels REAL and secure and very much POSSIBLE. The details of moving there have naturally popped into my mind on their own. I haven’t forced myself to picture ourselves there–that image finds its way into my thinking. I have to take my wine certifacation exam Ocober 5th and 6th. It occured to me very seriously while I was talking to my dad the other night that I could be in Florida by then, and I would have to figure out a way to maybe change my date/location etc. in order to get that taken care of. I don’t know why i thought of that detail–I just realized suddenly that I might be in Florida then! And its very much a possibility! I hope it works out, either way, no matter where we end up. I guess I am kind of attatched to this florida idea now though.

I should go…BLAH!