Look at this shit, I don't even have an intro! If people come poking about, they're not going to know who I am or what I'm about. They might have to judge me by the things I say to them or the top entries in my diary and fuck that shit, I know I'm lazy - I expect no more from anyone else.

ME: As I write this, I'm stoned. I'm stoned because I suffer from chronic pain and schizoaffective disorder (essentially severe bipolar depression crossed with schizophrenia). When I'm not stoned my days are spent in physical and mental anguish - I don't like anguish, so the choice was simple.

I'm a gamer of all sorts, I love video games, board games, roleplaying games ... I've been a GM for 25 years and it is one of the great passions of my life.

I am a great lover of stories and I grew up with the film classics of the 80s. I was also an avid reader prior to the electroconvulsive therapy, my youth spent reading Poe, Lovecraft, Shakespeare, and Shelly.... these days my love of books is more theory than application.

Before my health problems forced me out of college I was a Psychology and History double major with an eye toward a masters in Anthropology. Now it is all I can do it make it through most days.

And ... and I don't know - you want more, you'll have to ask.

Latest Entry

Advice

March 10, 2019
Chrysa made a good argument to me today: I was engaging in my daily negative self-talk while folding the laundry and cleaning the toilet, and Chrysa says "you're are not a bad person, what about X?". To which I respond, predictably, with "Well yeah, but you have to say that, you're my friend." An...
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Recent Entries

  • I have no memory of this place
    February 8, 2019
    Last night I went looking for an old friend with whom I used to speak on Facebook.  His long abandoned profile says he moved on to Prosebox so I went there to look for him. I did a search and found one person with his user name, but discovered I had to create an account…
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  • Translation
    February 7, 2019
    Okay, since I've mentioned in a few times in my recent entries and it seems to be a source of distress for me, people have latched on to this trans thing.  Because I don't want my diary to be about that, and because it might actually help me to discuss it openly, I'm going to…
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  • If you could turn back time
    February 7, 2019
    A few weeks ago I had a friend ask me "if you could go back to the age of 16 again, knowing everything you know now, would you?". It isn't a new hypothetical, I've heard variations on it for years, but for some reason, this time, it stuck with me. Would I? I'd have to say,…
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  • In the nick ‘o time, eh?
    February 5, 2019
    So, for the last few days, mostly the last couple weeks, I have enjoyed returning to Open Diary but today it occurred to me: "I don't see any ads, how are they paying for this site?". Subscriptions, I knew, were a thing but I thought you were simply in limited-state with a free account; maybe&hel...
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  • I lost my little sister
    February 5, 2019
    I don't mean to say she died, it'd almost be easier for me if that were true. In the theme of updating the journal with my life events, today we'll talk briefly about my little sister.  Not really my little sister, that is to say, she is technically my cousin but for years we had…
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  • ASMR
    February 5, 2019
    I was going to open this with the statement "I realize this is a weird entry but" ... then I realize that many of my entries have and will fall into that category, so it's not really saying anything. I do love AMSR videos, however.  Being that I get no personal attention from anyone or…
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  • Working back into it
    February 5, 2019
    How often am I supposed to write here, I wonder? I look back at my old activity, some ten years or so, and I was posting several times a week, sometimes several times a day.  Now, I'm having a difficult time getting back into the groove. I blame Facebook in large part.  Most of the…
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  • So here I am again.
    January 23, 2019
    This is bizarre, I have to admit it.  I last used this page in ::checks:: 2013 - holy shite. Life has changed so much.  I don't even know where to begin, really. I'm a stoner now. That's a joke ... sort of ... not really. I dropped out of college and never went back.  The…
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  • Worth
    October 28, 2013
     My friend on Deviant Art was really down on herself in her journal today, so I wrote the following to try and put things into perspective for her.  Afterword, when I proof read through it, I realized it was a pretty decent argument in general, so posted it to Facebook.  Figured it...
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