No one knows what It feels like to be in my head. It’s erratic and confusing and exhausting. At times I think I’m okay but then I wonder am I really?!

the hardest thing to do is to stay alive. Everyday I think about how much easier it’ll be if I was just dead. I never feel good enough. I always feel like a problem. I feel like I’m nothing.

Then I think of my son and my mom. And how I can’t hurt them so I push through another day in udder turmoil. The emotional pain hurts worse then any physical pain I have ever endured.

I don’t want to bring another child into this life that I can barely handle.

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October 19, 2022

Hi. I hope you don’t mind me reading a few of your notes. I feel kind of what you feel, but only from the male perspective.  I am responding to this entry based on it and your newest note. Like you, I was also broken by another, I suffer from BPD (at least I assume you do, by your name), and exactly what you have written here about pushing yourself to keep going for others.

I honestly want to help you and give you answers, but like me, you hear all the quotes and passages and they just seem to be there for other people. I also would be a hypocrite if I said that it gets better. IDK, maybe for some people, it does.

I guess what I want to say to you is now that you know there is another person suffering in a very similar way it sort of helps to not feel so alone in the places your mind takes you.