To to seen

My anger is deep deep sadness. The sadness of betrayal, the sadness of being rejected, the sadness of an ending. All those things are sad but what lies underneath is the need to be seen. It’s our basic human need. Just like a toddler who reaches out to you when you get distracted, to that toddler to be seen by you, at that moment, is the whole world. And what happens when the whole world turns their back? We feel lonely, we feel unwanted, we feel like no one understands us. We feel like forgotten trash. We feel unimportant. Like our voice doesn’t matter, like no one cares enough to pay close attention. It feels like you’re fighting a ghost. A road that leads to nowhere which builds more anger and frustration. Children have a need to be seen. A child who feels unseen will feel lonely and suffer from depression. That’s why as adults we have a deep void and we expect our partner to feel a void inside of us that no one has ever been able to fill. Not even our parents. But we expect our partner to do it because we assign them magic Harry Potter qualities.  Sure if you’re attractive enough you can get people to like you and to lust after you. But to be truly seen is more than that. It’s someone understanding your soul, your essence, someone hearing your words and knowing exactly what you mean. It’s the need to connect. It’s the thing inside that wants to be noticed and loved for who we are. Not for who we pretend to be. It’s a different kind of high. The need to be seen is the most undervalued need of all.

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