Momma wants a job

I know that I’ve still got a year of school left but damnit I want a job. I want a paycheck. I want to pay down debt. I want to start saving. I want to buy my girls a home. I want a vacation. I want a real vacation. I actually want a girls vacation. I want to have a week, two weeks where I’m not expected to juggle 1500 different things at once. Today the girls’ loft bed was delivered and I put it together myself because I know that if I waited for him to help it’d never get done. That’s become the norm lately. Many promises, very little follow through.

I honestly don’t know how I’m staying afloat anymore. I’m still carrying a 4.0 GPA. I keep the girls busy 100% of the time. I do every errand of the home. All doctor’s appointments. All grocery shopping. All “secretarial” work for him. I’m applying for work. Gotta start swim lessons for the girls. Gotta get them started back on TaeKwonDo. Projects for his mom. I pay all the bills. All of the unpacking. Cleaning. I’m just so fucking run ragged.

I want a job so that I can go get a massage and not feel guilty. Order dinner for a break without panicking.

I want a purpose of my own.

Now I just have to find a place that will want me. And that struggle is one that is running me in circles. I hate this process. It’s nothing like when I first worked. This online application shit is for the birds. *le sigh*