same shit, different year

 

So in all of my places I write, this will be the gloomiest New Years Entry.

Hello, and Happy New Year.

Mine was not so happy or so new.

I stayed up till midnight and watched the "ball drop".

I had just finished my drink so i had nothing to "toast"

but of course, nobody was there to "toast" with, so who cares.

No kisses.

No calls.

I got some texts throughout the day but I’m not sure I responded to any of them. I felt sick and laid around all day. Jonathon managed to lose his coat for good (this is the 3rd coat in.. oh… 2 months) and was also talking ot strange men and probably driving them crazy. He was telling the man about zombies when I found him. Hooray.

Um… yeah.

I really don’t know what to say right now. I don’t feel this sense of newness or something good happening. It’s gonna be the same old shit, different year.

Wow, so I’ve managed to depress myself more.

whatever.

I think it comes down to me not feeling like I have the… karma (??) to realize a difference. I mean, GK, who while he was gone called me twice a day and seemed to really want to talk to me… he is back in town and called me once and it seemed like he couldn’t wait to get off the phone. I was hoping he’d call when he got in, but that was a no. I suppose he has a lot more interesting things to do. And I’m only interesting when nothing else is happening. this is my life story, so I don’t know why I don’t recognize it already.

My kids are bad. I cleaned my house and within half an hour, no lie, they had undone ALL of it. To the point where I just gave up. I stepped on at least 12 little toys this morning. there is a trail of random clothing leading from their room and down the hall to the living room. They poured juice and crackers and soup all over the kitchen. More broken ornaments. Paper torn and shredded everywhere. A Lego explosion.

and then they wanted me to open up their big stuff and put it together.

Since I was not smoking any crack last night (har) I did not oblige.

Why am I still writing this disaster?

I guess I’ll stop for now and go write something more… "happy" in the other place.

Though the only "happy" I can think of right now is that… ummm. er..

well…

whatever.