05/02/2021

My sister came over last night. I was a little nervous beforehand but not too much. I considered not drinking, because she was driving and therefore I figured she wouldn’t be drinking, and I had drank the night before, Wed night and so was feeling a little ropey already. But then I decided to do what was not going to stress me out. I drank quite a lot of red wine and feel a little out of it today. Not terrible which means I keep thinking I should do this, I should do that. It was a nice evening with G though. I cooked mainly before she arrived, and had music on and was drinking wine, and it was the nicest I’ve felt for a long time. Felt really nice to be cooking for her, and not just myself, and the wine and the music hit me really nice, was really mellow and relaxed and I just felt really good. And then when G arrived it was nice as well, had a good talk with her and was more honest than I’ve been in a long time. I’ve been getting quite teary over the last week or so, buying too much take out and drinking more than I want to be. And I messaged G Wed when I was in a really shitty mood asking if she’d come over that night. Then started to feel better and we rescheduled for last night.

It was just a really nice evening, although I drank more than I wanted to. I hope she’s ok, I worry about her sometimes, and hope that my positive take on her is more accurate than when I think negatively. She’s a gem and I told her that last night, I can’t remember exactly what it was about but she said something which was just so on the ball. She also told me to just do things without explaining them, which meant a lot because I do do that, i often feel as though I’ve hot to justify myself, explain my reasons etc. She’s such a star.

Today I’m hung over, but not terribly so. I can’t be bothered to do anything, but sorta feel blah with that. Lol really well put, I can’t be bothered to explain. I keep feeling like a part of me finds it harder to just sit and watch netflix, which is really good but I worry sometimes it’s happened too quickly because I don’t have the oomph yet to get up and stay up. I’m figuring that as I’m hung over today I’m going to basically allow myself, and then get back on it tomorrow. Need to stop second guessing myself.

Will maybe write more later.