On Saving a Life

Maybe you’re too afraid, I would be if I was you. I remember when I was like you, I never had to worry about the shit you do. I didn’t have to look at the world and see what you do. My oceans were blue and I could breathe the air. Sure, the news showed people dying in distance lands, and it left me feeling somewhat helpless, but I didn’t have friends in those lands dying for ill defined causes. I didn’t have the constant hum of negative bullshit to pierce my eardrums like it does yours. I never had to deal with junkie parents and food stamps, not like you do. The world outside your window is falling apart at all corners, maybe it always has been. And so, today, you decided to do something about it.

See, you’re afraid. You told me so and it’s okay. So your actions paint a picture of a desperate person. Someone with nothing left to live for. And maybe that’s my fault, maybe that’s everyones fault. I’ve never done a thing to make sure that this world would be better for you and your generation. I’ve tried, millions of people have tried, but it never worked. See, we ignored the signs, the warnings and now we, humanity, has lost something. Call it a soul, call it brotherhood, or maybe it’s more like love, I don’t know…but whatever it is, it seems gone. And now a time that when you should feel young, innocent, and so fucking happy is a time when you felt like the only options were razor blades and a bottle of painkillers.

I get it. I’ve felt the same way, I know because we are so alike. I’ve had nothing to live for. I’ve stared at the pill bottle on the nightstand, I’ve wanted to close my eyes, pull the trigger, and never wake up. I’ve thought it’d be so much easier to just leave, call it a night, and jump. It’s bleak and dark and lonely; and my life hasn’t been near as difficult as yours. So, you’re not alone. Not by a long shot.

Thankfully, you failed. You may hate yourself now, ashamed and embarrassed. But you have a second chance now, and you need to take it. I’ve known you longer than you’ve known yourself, and I know the world needs people like you. Do you think half the people your age, or any age, care about the stuff you’re always telling me about? Diseases, faminine, and wars going on in countries I’ve never heard of? They don’t. Not like you. I can feel the sorrow in your voice when you tell me about people you’ve never met. That’s rare, very rare. And we, I, need you to grow up and rediscover what we have lost. It’s you and people like you who are going to make this world better. You have so much potential and it’s time you realize it. If you don’t, I’m going to tell you every fucking day until you get it.

Maybe I wasn’t there enough for you when you wandering through the murky waters of your personal life, but I know what you’re capable of. I know you lost David in Afghanistan and your parents are fucking no-shows, and it’s going to be so difficult to get past that , heal, or live with it but you can. You’ve lived 16 years mired in bullshit and still you’re smart, going to college on a full-scholarship smart, you still make people around you laugh and make them thankful they know you. I am one of them. You may be on your knees now, but you’re strong. You may not want to smile now. Fine. Don’t. It’s okay, I’ll do it for you. But I do need you to grit your teeth, clench your fists, bite your lip, do whatever it is you need to do to get up off of the mat because you’re needed here. Your life is worth more than a box in the dirt with a tombstone that reads "Killed Self For Unknown Reason". Your life has been out of your control your whole life. Until today. Sure, it was a stupid way to do it but you did. Now you’re responsible for what happens to it. I’ll be here for you any time, any day, it doesn’t matter…and if I didn’t make that clear before, I’m sorry. But you need to reach inside yourself and touch that soul that has made an impact on everyone you’ve ever met. Do that and you will get through this.

I’m glad you’re still here. I love you.

ME.