I AM

..the public.

When you endanger the public, you endanger me. I will stand my ground on their behalf.

I AM

…the final arbiter of Truth in my Universe.

If you say some bullshit in public, I will defend Truth on Her behalf.

I AM

…a source of novelty and humor.

If you say the best is past, I will call you a liar and ignore your history, because you have already. I will defend the Future on your behalf, for when you wake up,