Stupid hormones

  Sometimes I get so confused. I had a three day weekend, and I was planning on heading home for Montana to get some fishing done when I was reminded that I had offered my floor to a couple of friends on their way through…so trying to be good to my word, I cleaned up my place, put clothing away, got caught up on my dishes, made the place livable, which was much needed, and stayed up waiting for the phone call that they were on their way from Spokane. Well I got a phone call about an hour ago telling me that they were not coming. Mind you, this was not a mutual decision, one wants to come, the other two want to stay in the hotel with some of their other friends. Now I can respect this, it’s not a big deal, I’m a little relieved not to have a bunch of smelly boys in my apartment anyways, but I would have been in Montana if I had known they were not going to come.

  I still have a two-day weekend, but I’m not feeling the best right now either, I just finished one of the worst periods I’ve had since I went on hormone supplements almost a year ago. It was like the old ones I use to get, cramps, bloating, my back felt like someone had sliced me open and was trying to remove my spinal cord, my limbs are heavy, my mood is crazy, migraines, and I’m just kinda in an emotional *blah* place at the moment. Nobody worry please, I’m fine, I just need my hormones to balance.

  To top matters off I’ve been waking up from nightmares around 6…I’m not a morning person, and I hate waking up screaming, crying, or in a cold sweat. I’ve been having so many dreams about water – which represent emotions, go figure – and I know what most of my dreams mean after I wake up, but that really doesn’t help when you’re still crying. So with my body already making my mood go up and down, the addition of the dreams set me over the edge and I begin to totally lose rational thought, something I don’t have a lot of anyways.

  I guess I just get really self conscious sometimes, like my old friends don’t want to hang with me anymore, and I’m not sure why. They all tell me how much their looking forward to seeing me, but then don’t come through. It’s like, don’t waist my time! I don’t have enough time as it is. I’m a busy girl, I could make other plans, I had other invites for tonight, I had creeks and fish in Montana, I have things I need to get done, a microwave I need to take back to the store because it’s throwing sparks, laundry I need to do, new friends that want to hang out and don’t ditch at the last, the LAST minute, ok yeah I’m a little unhappy. I had swimming I could do… in the long run it really isn’t to big of a deal, with the way I’m feeling – soar throat, headache, backache, heavy limbs, tired…. I really shouldn’t of drove today anyways, and maybe taking a weekend to stay home and recover without a bunch of distractions is a good thing, and I should be studding for my test, and yeah, there’s more housework I need to catch up on, and I would really like to start working on a story that’s been on my mind for a couple of years. So I guess I should look at the blessing, everything happens for a reason, there was a reason I ended up not going home. I just miss my friends.