Letting the mind go

There are a million things and nothing I want to say all at once. I’m procrastinating at procrastinating and royally annoyed at myself for it. Yet, I do nothing to change. the only one to blame is me. I’m not afraid to admit my flaws. We all have them. We all make mistakes, It’s hard to step back from yourself, look at yourself and say, Yep, you screwed up on that one. It’s a very annoying gift I have to do that. sadly, that isn’t intended as a joke.

There is so much going on in my head. I’m my own worst enemy, please pardon the cliché. I truly am. Sometimes I wish I had a friend who; 1) actually stopped by my place 2) would kick me in the butt and fire me up and help motivate me. Not saying take my hand. It would just be nice to know there is someone out there who actually cares. I feel isolated from even my closest friends. I keep so much inside and never really talk about how I honestly feel. I smile and say I’m ok, alright or fine. I’m not. I live in a void. I work and come home. That’s my existence. Therein lies the issue. I merely exist, I don’t live.

No, I’m not woe is me. I built this house myself and I have to change it. Some days the walls are paper, most days they’re concrete reinforced with steel. I’m utilizing OD to get things off my chest without having to explain myself to anyone. I’m weird I know. That’s just who I am. I’m eccentric and I like it that way. I think for myself, not always the wisest choice. I definitely don’t follow the crowd. I don’t trailblaze either. I follow my own path and beliefs. In the famous words of Popeye, I am what I am.