July 19, 2013

I NEED TO VENT AND SCREAM AND CRY

I am very upset.
I am so sad!
I am so angry at parents who think they can have children and then get a divorce.
IT IS NOT OK!
I don’t care what anyone says.
I agree that there are some situations where divorce is necessary but in most cases the parents need to suck it up for their children’s sake.
It is difficult for children to live with one parent and then another.
It is extra confusing when parents decide to remarry someone with children.
It is just not fair to the children.
I am so upset and angry and frustrated that children are put through this.
Don’t tell me they will be ok.
I agree with Dr. Laura.
When you get married think very carefully before having children. If you do have children make a commitment to your spouse for their sake.
I am just heartbroken for my grandson. There is no easy solution. I don’t know why he thinks living ten days in one home and ten in another will be better then every week.
Even though it’s my son I wonder if my grandson would just be better off living full time with his mother.
I just don’t know.
I just feel so sad for my grandson. He has to pick himself up every week and go to another house, another routine, two other children in the house and know that his father lives with the other children most of the time. They only visit their father every other weekend.
It is just not fair to these children.
My son wants to know what I think. I think I should stay completely out of it.
Although maybe I should talk to my grandson to find out why he wants to change the arrangements. He might think it would be better but probably it wouldn’t.
I am anxious to hear other opinions.

it’s not like potential parents can look into the future to see what will happen, and then make their decision on whether having kids is a good idea. Your grandson’s situation sucks, but if the parents aren’t going to stay together, then there’s nothing you can do about it except support your family.

Runt

July 20, 2013

My parents divorced after 26 yrs of marriage. Even as an adult it affected me greatly. Sadly they still don’t get along and won’t talk to each other. I would talk to the grandson and see what he has to say. My husband and I know marriage is hard and we haven’t had it easy since we started dating to married to the last year or so. But we know we have to stick it together and work through it together. Marriage isn’t easy.

I guess I have several questions. Is it better to grow up surrounded by parents who yell and scream at each other? Better to wonder if your dad is going to hit your mom because he’s drunk again? Better to eat your cereal in a hoe where you hear the clock tick because everyone is afraid to say anything out loud, so you lve in strained silence? All these things were part of my growing up experienceand I hated it. My parents were never happy. They live apart now and are the happiest I’ve ever seen them, though not actually happy as I would define it. I do hear what you’re saying and agree that divorcing because someoe can isn’t a good reason. Dr. Phil always says you have to work hard before you ever consider ending a marriage.

Your feelings are valid, by the way. I can nderstand why you feel the way you do.

Gypsy Spirit

its sad and I struggle with some cases too…but so often its due to violence or abuse which has an even worse affect on the children….not to mention broken trust because of affairs and lies. hugs p

Well… I know you don’t think it’s okay… but I’ve seen children grow into adults who are happy, healthy and in good marriages of their own – alternating every week for pretty much their whole childhood and adolescence. But the divorced parents worked hard to make it work. And I’ve seen adults who grew up with unhappy parents who stayed together for the kids, who have never seen a healthy adult relationship and haven’t formed their own such relationships. So… the parents still have a job to do once divorced… but I have seen it work.

I agree that it’s horrible for children – I can’t even imagine, actually. But I also agree that some homes where parents are fighting and upset all the time isn’t a good environment either. My thoughts are that many people don’t put enough effort into their marriages, maybe they don’t have good examples, they didn’t learn how to communicate/love well… there are so many factors. The truth is that

some people are definitely with a partner they shouldn’t be with; and the consequences for the children are dire. Like so many societal problems, the effort needs to be put in prevention, not reaction. i.e. teaching kids/youth/adults how to love in a healthy way, how to be selective and careful when choosing a partner, etc., how to be generous, kind and forgiving, etc. It’s a sad world! 🙁

offmychest

July 21, 2013

I did not want to divorce, my husband left ME. He had no thought of his kids, to this day they do not get along that well. I thought of my kids first, he didn’t. You can’t change what is in someone’s heart. My kids lived with me for 7 years and I think it was for the best. We have bonded in a way that he hasn’t. I don’t have any easy answers but I do think a child needs stability as they are growing up. I gave them that at least.

Pooh Bear Granny

Divorce is hardest on the children, I really do believe that. My heart breaks for the children. They love both parents and do not understand. I do understand though that things can and do go wrong. I do hope they can find a way to make sure their son is still a top priority in their lives. Love,

I am divorced and given how much I am against divorce, it was very traumatic. Our marriage was even annulled by the Catholic Church. This is a VERY hard process and it was granted. In my case, my older children’s father chose two years ago to move away. They have only seen him once in this time. This is his choice. Prior to this, he was totally inconsistent. We even gave him a car to see them more and invited him to spend a Christmas with us. It is IMPORTANT for a child to know both of their parents. Both my older children have had to go to therapy because of their bio dad’s poor behavior towards them. I would encourage your grandson to have a relationship with both parents. If he knows that they love him, his entire life will be better.