Asperger’s…Landon

I just felt like thinking on paper tonight. I’m sitting up late with Stephen enjoying time with him. He’s on his PlayStation 3 and I’m here and he just likes having someone up with him. I’ll stay up as long as he wants me to because these times with him are so rare now that he’s moved out.

The last few days have been very trying with Landon. Some days I think I have him figured out and that I understand Aspergers and what it means. Then I have a day like yesterday and today and I don’t think I know anything. How much of his personality is from his disorder and how much is just him being a kid…a normal six year old boy?? I don’t know. Yesterday he was playing in the back of his daddy’s truck and found a can of florescent orange spray paint and spray painted the top of the truck. The wind was blowing and so there was also paint splatters on the hood and windows :-0. He immediately came inside and told us what he had done but not like he thought he had done wrong. He told us like he was proud of himself. It took Jose’ and I almost an hour to get all that paint off and we were VERY lucky it came off. After we came back in the house with our fingers frozen Jose’was in the bathroom and Landon went to the bathroom door and said, “I’m sorry Daddy, I’m sorry I did that but I was trying to make your truck look like a flower”. ***Big Sigh***

The older kids get aggravated because they say I let him get away with too much, things I would not have put up with when they were his age. They are right but the circumstances are so different. Do they forget he’s not like them…not the same as they were at their age?? How many times do I have to remind them of this? I choose my battles with Landon because if I didn’t the battle would start when he got up every morning and not end until he went to bed. Some of his little quirks I just deal with. I know when he asks me a question and I answer he’s going to ask me two more times, always. I answer him all three times every time he does it because he needs me to. I know when he’s watching t.v. he’s going to rewind and rewatch one part of the show over and over and over and over and that’s okay with me. But, when anyone else is around of course it drives them crazy and they holler at him to stop. I know he’s OCD and things have to be a certain way and I understand that because I am also OCD. I don’t call attention to the things he does and when he seems upset about it I reassure him it’s okay that he’s like that, I am too. I know when he does certain things it’s a sign that he’s had enough or that he’s overwhelmed and it’s time to back off. I wish everyone knew him like I do. I wish everyone else in his life could just let the little things go and not get so aggravated with him.

Landon is not just dealing with Aspergers. He also has anxiety issues, ADHD and OCD. No child should have to deal with that much every day. Some days he walks around saying I hate myself, I hate myself :-(. That makes me so sad!! He does that mostly when he’s very aggitated about something. I think he’s gotten to the age that he knows he’s not like the other kids. I worry so much about him getting older. I wish I could just keep him six years old so I could always protect him.

I know I’m rambling here. Like I said, just wanted to think on paper. I know God has a special purpose for Landon. I know he’s the way he is for a reason. I know the road ahead is going to be hard but I also know how much joy he brings to me every single day. He makes me laugh out loud at least once a day, every day. He loves me and he makes me feel special.