Miracles Day 23:

How have I judged others lately?

-Not understanding or dismissing Drew’s communication style.  Judging Tracy’s new house and the conventionality of it.  Judging Zach.  Judging Drew’s parents.  My neighbor downstairs.  Drew’s family.  Tracy’s boyfriend Matt.  Mom’s friend Marti.

I am willing to see LOVE instead of this.  

How have I attacked others lately (in my head or in action)?

-Silence from Drew.  Not texting him.  Not wanting to let him see my life or know me.  Protecting myself.  Denying connection.

-Drew’s parents.  Hating them for not raising him.  The fact that he’s still prone to extreme reactions.

-Tracy’s boyfriend Matt.  Not wanting to be over at their place, because he will be there.  Not understanding why you choose to live with someone.

-Mostly just attacking Drew for being a “bad” boyfriend.

I am willing to see LOVE instead of this.  

Whom have I made special lately?

-My boys.  I adore them so much.  I put them on a pedestal.  I love them and they love me.  But I put my identity into them too.

-Drew.  Same in a lot of ways, actually.  I love him and he loves me.  But I can put my identity onto him.

-My mom.  I always make my mom special.

When you are making someone special – you’re building your identity from them in some way.

I am willing to choose LOVE instead of this.

How have I made myself special lately?

Believing I’m prettier, but also not pretty.  Believing I’m fat.  Thinking about how great my apartment is compared to someone elses.

Focusing on my appearance!  I struggle with it so much!

I am willing to see LOVE instead of this.  

How have I compared myself to others lately?

Am I bigger or smaller?  How is my skin compared to theirs?  Her nails are painted, should I paint my nails too?  Am I codependent and he’s independent?  Is he more childish than I am?  Is he bringing out a childish side in me?  Am I the crazy one in my family?  Am I the struggling, less successful one in the family?

I am willing to see LOVE instead of this.

 

A loving view of these struggles is that I am only me.  And I’ve done things differently than a lot of people, but that is what is working out best for me.