the book of love

Now that i have had time to process this, i can honestly say that i feel tired but not able to sleep.

i am angry.

its been a very long time since i made a decision to put me first.

i wanted to make a new start of things and hit the reset button in the hopes that i might actually get somewhere.

now i feel like i’m being punished for thinking of myself first instead of my family.

i should have been asleep hours ago, but every time i close my eyes i see me laying in a hospital room with tubes and wires sticking out of me, alone.

i know what the treatment for cancer does to a person. i went thru it with her 3 years ago and it frightens me.

i feel like a liar because i told my Jasper and Bo that i would never leave them and they are gone.

it may be a very long time before i get back here for real. i’m hoping to make it back before christmas.

if not, being here again is the only real ray of sunshine i have in a very dark place. you guys are the best.

i’m gonna do what needs to be done to try and get better.

i will miss you all.