Funny thing about relationships

 They take effort to maintain. Because I’ve put forth almost no effort to remain close with friends or become close with acquaintances, I’ve arrived at a point where I have very few people I can actually call friends.

This makes me a little sad. Sometimes a lot sad. But my relationship with Emily is amazing and usually sustains me so I don’t really worry much.

The reason I’m thinking and writing about this now is just because one of my great "friends" from college is getting married this weekend. I say this in quotes, not because he has been a bad friend, but because our relationship used to be called friendship, but we have really grown apart. This friend is Tom, who was in Invoice with me. I’m very happy for Tom, and I’m not the least surprised I wasn’t invited to his wedding. I really have always liked Tom and thought he was a great guy. We were friends in college, but I’ve emailed or spoke to him only about twice since he graduated, a year before me, 6 years ago.

What makes me sad is that I feel like my life would be richer if I were able to maintain friendships with people like Tom. Seeing on facebook that Nam, also from Invoice, is going to Tom’s wedding, really is pretty disappointing to me. 

There’s no anger or negativity toward Tom – I just wish I could have stayed close with him.

But it’s not really just about Tom in particular. I’ve let all my friends from college and before drift away, only the occasional facebook comment between us. I really have no one to blame but myself.  Even Tomas and I don’t talk as much as we used to. Granted, it is very difficult, with all these people, to stay closely related when everyone’s spread out all over the country. But maybe I should have tried at least a bit.  I suppose its never too late to reconnect with someone though.

I think I’ve just been complacent. My life and relationship with Emily is so fulfilling, I seldom actively feel like I miss having other friends.

But when I do talk with Tomas, like we did on Google Talk (on my cell phone!) the other night, I do really miss having my own friends. The only friends I have around here now are my coworkers – who are great (some of them) but I don’t ever see out of work or really have a non-work relationship with, and some people I play hockey with. The same goes for them – my relationships with them are confined to hockey.

I think it would be a great thing for me to actively focus on this. Cultivate friendships – be an active participant.

Tomorrow, the same day as Tom’s wedding, I am going to another wedding. So in that way it’s good I’m not going to Tom’s. I couldn’t miss Carter and Sanja’s wedding. I met them through Emily, like most of my friends over the past several years. But Carter and I do have a bit more in common than most of her friends. We’re friends on Xbox Live – guess that’s pretty good, right?