Gushing a little 💗

Effective Monday, I have new insurance. So also effective Monday, I need to find a new therapist. I briefly considered giving myself a break from therapy because I’ve been doing so well, but I think that with me starting a brand new relationship and with all of the things I have going on right now, I think that now is not the time to quit therapy. I’m going to have one more session with her and pay out of pocket and hopefully will have another one lined up after that.

Yay, starting over!! lol

Speaking of starting over, I am fucking IN LOVE. Goddamn I’ve got it bad.

So let me explain.

This fella added me on Facebook about 5-6 years ago. He added me because he thought I was cute and liked my memes (yep- modern day love story) but realized I was seeing someone so he kept his distance. In that time, we kind of bonded over funny pictures and jokes and posts online, then over a game we played, then over other little things.

Honestly the last 2-3 years is where I’d really started taking an interest in him, so we started flirting a bit.
Well recently we started talking more and he finally asked if I wanted to get together, I of course agreed. No plans were made, I thought he was flaking, so I made a joke about it, and finally said “let’s make a plan. What’s your schedule like?”

Anyway, the rest is honestly history. I was so nervous to meet him, but that melted away the second we met. He was beet red because HE was nervous, and over the course of the night we basically fell stupidly in love with each other. Our date lasted almost 24 hours, and we basically agreed we were a thing at that point.

It’s so intense. I’ve never felt this before. Yes, I’ve definitely been in love. I have never been THIS in love. The other day I googled the word “lovesick”. I’ve heard it before, could guess what it meant, but feeling this way, it was the only word I could think of to describe what I’m feeling, so I googled it to see if that was accurate and yep. It’s exactly it. I’ve never had such intense feelings for someone that it made me feel like I want to cry. Like, happy cry though. The kicker is that he feels the same way, and boy does he let it be known, which makes what I’m feeling so much more intense.

I never wanted to get married before, and right now I’m dreaming of it with him. Not the wedding, just the marriage part of it. We can’t keep our hands off of each other, I want to hear and learn everything about him. We ask each other dumb questions all day, like “how do you like your coffee” and “what’s your favorite fruit” and shit. Dumb, meaningless questions but we both are feeling the same thing and it’s so great. It’s a constant feeling of euphoria, and even my daughter told me “honestly I’m so glad you are so into this one” and said “cause you seem really happy”

Idk, I just feel like this is it for me. I feel like That first date was my last first date. He said at 51 he’s never felt like this- even his ex wife, and the exes that were long term. He said he’s never connected to anyone so quickly, and based on what I know from mutuals, he’s telling the truth. That’s the other thing- he’s so open and honest and direct with people, it’s so easy to trust what he says.

He is absolutely incredible, and he makes me feel so good. He makes me feel like I’m perfect, just by the way he looks at me and talks to me and kisses me. He literally stopped by my place on his way home from work just to kiss me. I’ve never felt like I was melting into a person before but we literally both said we feel that.

Literally all of these dumb ass cliches make sense now. He feels like a missing puzzle piece. He feels like my other half. He feels like we are the same person. Different people, but the same inside. I don’t know how else to describe it, because words aren’t doing it.

Not only that but he’s a gorgeous man. Jesus lord is he gorgeous. I was afraid to meet him because I thought he was too hot for me and that he would think I looked like a troll. Turns out he thought the same. This man could model. And the way he looks at me…. There are no words.

Hes so good to his kids, and his ex wife, which makes him amazing. He is so sweet and so selfless and absolutely incredible.

We are moving fast but it feels so right. It feels like holding back is almost physically painful.

So yea, the night before Easter we dropped the L word on each other. It felt so good to be able to say it and get it out.

Goddamn do I love this man. I am going to marry him. 🥰