Suicidal thoughts

I’ve been really stressed lately. My boyfriend and I are trying for a baby and my family has fertility issues. I’ve been stressing because my boyfriends friends won’t stop trying to convince him to leave me. Not all of them just two of them the rest love me. The two friends that are keep saying that I’m childish and irrational even though they’ve never met me. I tried getting him to say something about it but he won’t and I’ve been trying to leave it alone but I snapped today and spoke to them for the first time ever. He got mad that I said I don’t want them around the kids if they’re going to disrespect me like that. Granted they’ve been friends longer than I’ve known him but I’m worried that I won’t be able to conceive under this amount of stress and if I do there’s a high chance I could miscarry already without the added stress. I don’t want to lose him he’s a great guy and would be an excellent father. My depression has been hitting me really hard over this and the suicidal thoughts have returned. I don’t think I’ll act on them but I’ve been blacking out for about a minute or so at a time I had to start a song over because I missed over half of it. I don’t know what I’ll do subconsciously and it scares me. I don’t want to die but the thoughts won’t stop I find myself staring at the knife more and more. I just need a release. I don’t know what to do.

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