#depression

I  claimed I would write in my diary daily, maybe that was a bit ambitious despite my love for writing as a means of self-expression and therapy. Today has been one of the best days of my life. I understand the sense of the phrase '' Happiness is in the simple things ". Actually as…

I am excited to be writing here on OpenDiary again, though the impetus is somewhat unfocused. I do miss the solidarity of the OD community (circa the early 2000s), but the writing and the reflection that journaling requires is sometimes an emotional terrain that is hard to wade through. I have be...

Well my sister had her baby!!!! So yay on that one. I was there for the entire situation. She went into the hospital on the 6th of May and when she told me the doctors were sending her, I ran up my stairs to get dressed and go. Now I am not skinny by any…

Today is just an ordinary day. I woke up at 9.30am, had a large cup of strong coffee as usual accompanied by a cigarette dressed in just my boxer shorts. 10.30am I jump on the bus, on my way to the job centre for a work search assessment by my work coach. Smoked a cig…

“Anybody remotely interesting is mad, in some way or another.” ~Dr. Who When I tell someone about my illness for the first time it frequently elicits the following reaction: "YOU?  DEPRESSED?  You're always so bubbly and happy!!"   My response: "You don't see me during the depressive episodes whe...

“Are you a psychopath or a sociopath?” ~Title of recent Michael Savage podcast's interview with neuroscientist Dr. James Fallon When I heard Michael Savage (longtime radio personality who has multiple degrees and a doctorate in epidemiology - fascinating man) announce the title for a recent podca...

I came here because I didn't know what else to do. This was a new choice. A chance to start a new life. I thought everything would fall into its place once I got here. And it is falling into place, but very slowly. I still feel anxious before interacting with people. I still feel…

I have a couple therapy assignments right now, and one of them is to make a list of ways I can combat the inevitable seasonal depression that settles in right around when we change our clocks back. It is always very jarring, and renders me completely unproductive, even when up until that point I'...

Damn I fucking love ducks

I let myself cry now. And there really is no holding back. It's not the full on cry, the cry that makes you a mess. It's the kind of cry that you just get out of your system, and yet it's enough to drag me into an emotional exhaustion. It's the kind of cry that's very…