#depression

every day really is perfect. the memories I so desperately cling to are shrouded in mist and gold when I think back on them, never noticing the aura of beauty encapsulating my present moments. the ones that will eventually become memories. everything feels so profound when looking back, you know....

July 18, today was my birthday; I apologized to my dad for ruining his vacation. But no one truly knows that my Birthday was ruined. I guess that sums up my entire problem with people, because when do you truly see them? Not just their appearance, their facial features, as to a camera, the way&he...

If I am completely honest with my self this isn’t  the first time I have had the urge to cut my self. No not to kill my self just a little cut to feel anything other than what I feel. In the past I have had the thought in passing but pushed it away. I…

Ugh such a good day turned into a negative one. Sometimes i get so angry in myself for having such a forgiving heart. People will show who they really are but being dumb i choose to ignore it. Causing me to get hurt in the end. My family and friends told me this relationship wasnt…

I think I need to go back to therapy. I saw a therapist for almost 2 years but just stopped going. I don't really remember why I stopped but I do remember it being helpful. I remember being extremely tired when I'd get home from therapy. I get to the point where I feel like…

Something I did realize this week is that I really don’t give a shit about job, and haven’t in a really long time. I’m not fulfilled by it, it doesn’t challenge me or anything like that. I just don’t care. I remember a line from one of my favorite movies, “it’s not that I’m lazy,…

Who am I? Other than a mom? Other than a wife? I feel so lost. So unimportant. So frozen and stuck.  I feel as if I’m floating through life. Never actually happy. Sure, I love my kids and husband, but I don’t love myself. I feel no connection to things. I’m not truly happy. I…

Ended up leaving later than I’d planned for the camera trip. My GPS app also took me on a very strange route that had me down a dirt road crossing a stream. The vehicle I took is not really designed for any kind of water crossings so that was a bit uncomfortable! Finally made it…

As you might’ve guessed from my last post things haven’t been going great. All totaled my dog cost me an unexpected $1260 this past week. This is the first dog I’ve owned on my own b/c in the past I’ve really gotten attached to other dogs and I knew if I had one of my…

- unexpected $1200 vet bill - new job feels impossible and hopeless - running family member’s life and I’m barely running my own - alone - tired - all I want is food that I can’t have