I wish.

I feel like life is always either miserable or boring.  I keep hoping there will be one day I wake up and something amazing happens to me.  I keep hoping to go to work, and something so good happens that I actually feel excitement or joy… things I haven’t felt in a very long time.  Maybe not even since I was a kid.  I had one thing that I looked forward to everyday… and it was a person.  That’s incredibly unhealthy, I know.  But it was all I had.  And now he’s gone and I have nothing.  I feel so empty.  So joyless.  Nothing to look forward to anymore.   I think the last time I felt good was when Chris told me I was his best friend.  Then literally a week later  he crushed my heart, and now we’re not even friends anymore.  I don’t know what else to say.  I’m just tired of feeling shitty… both physically and mentally.  I wish something good would happen to me.