אני קושית יפה/I’m a Cute Black Girl Pg 19

Got an email from my Rabbi. In it she told me how she was concerned about where my husband stood, about me converting.

I have mentioned it before how he has not really been present with me for any of my classes…well except for the first one and for Tuesday’s Class; when marriage was discussed, which he was interested in and now wishes to be present with me for more classes going on. And another concern for her, is what religion our kids would be brought up in.

Now my husband and I have discussed this many times and each time there has always been a slight change.

First he was okay with our children being raised to be Jewish. But then he insisted that his kids would be Christian. I managed to talk him into agreeing on them being Jewish and when they were old enough, we would let them decide. Technically that is how things happened with me. I grew up celebrating, both Christian and Jewish Holidays, even though I never attended a Church and was a well known face at the Shul I went to.

I made the above agreement with my husband, knowing that one day when we were to be blessed with kids, the whole discussion would arise again and I may possibly not get what I want. But I realized that we weren’t parents yet or expecting kids anytime soon, even though we would love to have kids now….and me converting was all about me. I had spent way too much of my life living for what I assumed everyone else wanted and in the end I was the one feeling lost and disconnected with G-d and my family.

Anyway…back to my Rabbi’s email. She would like to meet with me and my husband to discuss how he feels about me converting and about him being more involved in the process…and something that concerned her, when I met with her last weekend, was the identity our kids would have.

Now I know my husband can be a people pleaser sometimes, so he may just go along with what I say and what the Rabbi suggests. I mean when I first discussed converting with him last year, he was very happy for me and ready to partake in everything with me….but that hasn’t really been the case.

A big concern for me is how I may be stopped from continuing to convert because my husband won’t fully support me and Judaism.

On Tuesday when the Rabbi, who was teaching us about the Marriage portion of the Jewish Life Cycle, told us how they do not perform Inter-faith marriages, even though they will accept Non-Jews into their Shuls. They will give their blessing to Inter-faith marriages.

I don’t think I will be stopped from converting, this is what I really want. I feel like I have given up on so much, because of the hand that life dealt me, and now there is this one thing that I can control and am so sure about…I just hope I don’t loose it because I chose to love someone who believes in something that I cannot turn to.