Inspiring….

“Success is not final; failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” – Winston Churchill.

Just finally ended the first season of ‘Maid’.

When I started watching the series I found a connection to it and often felt the story to be too close to home and found myself to be often thinking things I shouldn’t be or at least didn’t want to.

But throughout the last episode I felt really proud of Alex and I got inspired by her dedication to her daughter and drive to be all that she could be.

And so I am lying on my bed and asking myself if I am truly happy…yes I can say that I did things that made me happy…got hair done (Although I hate it.), got nails done,  did some retail therapy,  spring cleaned flat….but all these things or momentary and isn’t true happiness.  Guess that means that my answer is no. No, I am not truly happy.  

So I ask myself what will make me truly happy.

1) Being Healthy

2) Husband being what I know he can be

3) Becoming a mother

4) Having a house

5) Feeling accomplished

How am I going to do all that?

actually make the effort and follow through with going to gym and being healthy. 

I cannot just let myself slip and let it go. I need to follow through, no matter how hard it gets or how much I would rather get takeout or sleep late, I need to be hard on myself and see this through

lay it out for him and not bend

Just like I am going to be hard on myself, I need to be hard on him.

He needs to find his own release and drive.

He needs to put in the work and be better for himself and me.

I cannot continue to turn the blind eye when things are well or when he turns around and blames me or points out my errors.  I need to be strong and stop being a push-over

becoming a mother

Besides being physically ready I really need to start preparing financially too.

While I was doing some shopping and I saw the price of nappies, I wondered how I was gonna do it. My husband and I moan constantly about our bank balance.  Every month I go running to my dad for some financial help. Every week I dig into my personal savings. How the fuck am I going to manage a child if I basically live pay check to pay check now?

I think it is time to see a banker and it is time to start saving for that baby or stormy day.

I need to follow through with something

May that be loosing 40+ kg, becoming a mother,  getting a diploma, getting a good new job…I need to really make a change in me and get to a new level.

And as my tattoo reads….