11/7/21
Mentally, I am in a the cafeteria of Balamb Garden right now. Kind of miss the Yahoo RP days. That was my regular spot I guess.
The cute boy and I hung out in another city where he was performing. My friend and I got absolutely hammered with him. He is the sweetest thing, but absolute chaos energy, especially when drunk. He said some very cute things to me that had me on cloud nine but I know it’s just the alcohol. Even after we left, I continued to talk to him until 7 AM. The entire ride home from the other city he was sending me memes. He wasn’t able to crash with me as his assistant said that my city is too far out of the way (which he isn’t wrong, it’s about 40 minutes out). Cute boy told me he wasn’t ready to stop hanging out and that he wished he could have crashed…mainly because the assistant was snoring stupidly loud. We talked about all sorts of things. Personal and obtuse. He truly is a sweet guy. I let girl mode take over and woke up with a giant smile on my face, despite being hung over.
I feel bad that I basically abandoned my friends to hang out with him, but one of my besties was also drinking with us. It was more two other friends and my bestie’s SO that we abandoned, and two of those three friends found us and hung out for a while. They knew what they were getting into. Bestie’s boyfriend got all spiteful about everything, but he knew that we were there to see the opener and that we were probably hanging out with him. I knew when Bestie said that his SO was coming along that I’d be annoyed by the end of the night, but I was too drunk to give a shit. Cute Boy had my attention.
Cute boy couldn’t believe I was 31. Started asking me questions about if it is true when you hit 30 that you start to calm down and actually be more comfortable as a person. I told him yes and no. He isn’t that much younger than me. Body dysmorphia makes the 100% comfortable thing impossible for me, but I’m doing much better as a person in my 30s then I was in my 20s. Your 20s are spent trying to figure out who you are. Your 30s still have the same thing, but you learn a lot more about what you need to do to make yourself happy I guess. I just hope me being four years older than him didn’t make me automatically lose any interest that may have existed for me (fat chance there is any interest at all, I mean we were drunk and he doesn’t live here).
The next day, I got ridiculously high and hung out with my little brother and a DJ friend. They had to tolerate me.
Every time I talk to this guy, I can feel a fire under me pushing me to keep going. I love having music friends, but having a super cute one makes the motivation even stronger. Too bad I self-manage ADD and hyper focus moments are far and few between.
It’s 58 degrees out and I have the windows open. True midwesterner style.