Crumbles

My life has crumbled back to where it was three and a half years ago. I’m back in a position where I have no job, limited time to find one, and possibly no where to live

I miss shitty friends and even shittier family. I miss the security of life with Patty and the boys, a life that a man I really believe doesn’t deserve it, but has it all. Everything I put into living for 20+ years just handed over to a man who pissed away his 20+ years.

No one has ever apologized or acknowledged my hurt, pain, or sadness, but everyone has told me it doesn’t matter. I get lecutered about how to be a good father and family man by people who make it impossible to be either.

I don’t understand life anymore, probably because I went through it with a bag over my head. The one person who made me feel any sort of worth, destroyed me with all things that make me feel worthless.

I refuse to believe love dies when all its done around me is dead and dying. I hold onto hope in a hopeless situation. I’m punished for my feeling. I’m punished for everything.