I think I am passing the test…

So with going back on to Facebook comes the sadness. I see the happy family pictures of people I know. The get-togethers I wasn’t invited to. Yes, I even trolled Patty before I blocked her. There is absolutely nothing that says I was part of her life for all the years. If you didn’t know I was the father to the boys, you would think they were his.

I mean, everyone is happy in them and I am mostly to a point where I understand it all, but as I said, the friends and their tight-knit families and their posts. People I know went through piles of shit and made it work, unlike me that was never given a chance.

The last time I was on FB I cursed the world and almost everyone in it. I saw how this one would do that for another, but couldn’t be bothered to even say hi to me. The “no, I don’t do things anymore and just stay home” people who somehow magically showed up in a picture the same day. The number of people, that were my friends, commenting on Patty’s pictures and posts about her and him.  I had (and have) learned that there is no such thing as loyalty in the world, at least not for me.

So, how did I do it? Why did I do it? Well for one I wanted to get to know you guys better, not that your entries don’t say enough, but you know what I mean. Also, as I wrote a few days back, I have given up on hopes and dreams other than hoping I get out of debt and dreaming about a full head of hair, now I just make plans. Then only for a month or two out. I have also come to the understanding that a lot of people suck and I can no longer be the “nice guy, white knight” to anyone other than my sons and myself.