clean for a whole day?

(TW!! GRAPHIC WORDS, IMAGERY, SH/ED) (i’m not crossing it out this time bc i don’t feel like it) i haven’t self harmed today. i’m proud? idk honestly. i didn’t go to school at all bc my stomach didn’t feel well. it’s not like anyone actually believed me, but they acted like they did. i take my meds at night now, it easier to remember then, i think? i still forget time to time. it’s supposed to be 1 a day. i do 2 sometimes. i haven’t seen Z in awhile so i’m sad about that. they deserve someone better. why the fuck do they like me. i’m not good looking or funny. anyways. the leg thing cleared up from yesterday. i ended up doing therapy online at my house, yay! but my leg was still KILLING me. it stung so bad whenever i walked or did anything. even when i sat or lied down. i think it’s bc i cut far up and now it’s in the joint/bendy part if yk what i mean? i took the bandages off my arm finally, now i really needa hide it. no explaining freddy crougar going to town on it. i tried to cut my wrist. i lightly slid the razor across it once. i GUESS it was kinda satisfying. i would do it more but that’s just so obvious and emo. how am i gonna hide my WRISTS. anyways, the cut on my wrist got itchy and puffy, it’s better now tho. everyone is still oblivious. i think. i’m not gonna tell anyone for awhile. i don’t wanna be THAT kid. maybe i’ll start wearing tank tops and shorts when they heal into scars. so i can explain that it was awhile ago. if i can even manage to stop for that long. my mom got mad at me. she said the 1000 written on my hand must stand for the 1000 times i’ve sucked as a daughter. no. you dumb bitch. it stands for 1000 calories a day or i slit my skin open. she’s just so oblivious sometimes. that’s all for now.

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February 24, 2022