Hurry up & wait… I swear this is the motto of my life.
During my consult I asked about priming for 90 days for the best results. Doctor said absolutely not – My levels are too low, we need to act fast and begin IVF during the very next cycle. The end. Now, that consult was 15 days ago. I expect my next cycle will begin somewhere between 10/21 – 10/24. Not positive as I decided to relax and not test for ovulation at all. So, I’m not really positive. But it’s a good guess. However, this date means I need my meds…. Like now. I literally have less than 2 weeks to have them at my door. And, you’re required to have them in your possession beforehand. At this rate, I will NOT have them in time. I contacted the nurses via portal and got “You’ll get a call from the nurse within 2 – 3 weeks of your consult to fully go over your protocol and be provided the med list then.” 3 weeks puts us at 10/19 – Completely impossible to have meds in time if I get the call THAT late.
I was frustrated to begin. Really, just frustrated I was told we needed to move fast and then I get the slow.
I’ve moved on from the frustration. It is what it is. I wanted to prime longer anyways. 60 Days of priming is better than 30 days. I’m okay to continue with shots daily for a couple months before beginning. It’s supposed to yield better results and I want better results. It’ll also be easier for me if my second job boss is done with her college contract and has the flexibility to not super miss me or be in a bind with last minute appointments and needing to leave abruptly for retrieval. And I know with this process I need to learn to relax and just go with the flow… So, for now, I’m going to breathe. Try to get on the healthy eating train. Give myself shots in my fantastically bruised stomach (some bruise, some don’t; doesn’t really hurt, so whatever). Up the Vitamin D per their request. Find happiness and relaxation. And just sit back and wait until someone calls. (Though, when we hit 4 weeks I’ll actually look into it, but for now, I’m just trusting the process.)
So, I might be making a baby in 3 weeks – Or I might be making a baby in like 7 weeks. Who knows.
In the meantime, we’ve still got an almost 3 year old. This doesn’t appear like it will end anytime soon. CPS and Foster Care – another thing that has no real time and requires flexibility. (It’s like the world is trying to force me into accepting no time-lines and dropping the OCD planning.) Little dude is doing good – We’ve got a great bedtime going on. Good morning routine to daycare. Waiting for Speech Therapy and other therapies to begin (assuming they’ll request occupational therapy also). He’s making some new sounds and sounds as-if he wants to talk. I’ve cut-off the tablet obsession. It’s now a reward for about 20 minutes a day, max. If he doesn’t know, I don’t even bother. He’s PLAYING with toys. The same kid that 3 weeks ago didn’t seem to know what a toy was. He’s blossoming really. Only continued issue – FOOD. The biggest issue there is. As nutrition is a must-have. He’s ate chicken nuggets a couple times. Finally had a bite of pizza. Now likes yogurt and nutrigrain bars. Still against pastas, the rest of the bites of pizza, any fruit besides bananas, any vegetables, any other protein. Really, if given the option he’d continue living off of crackers and PBJ. But hey, he’s eating a little bit and likes water now. So, we have moved up, but gosh we have so far to go with food and speech. So far.
We did our Minnesota trip over the last week… It was… Okay? It was NOT the vacation of my dreams. Not at all. Realistically it’s probably a vacation I am not in a hurry to ever go on again. I anticipated more of being shown around – looking at the beautiful nature, touristy spots, etc. Max anticipated spending every moment with his friends, reliving his young adult life and pretending he was like 21 again and time had never lapsed. Yeah, obviously we should have communicated and been on the same page PRIOR to the trip. Lesson learned.
Day 1 sucked as his parents were also there and as I anticipated thought they’d just take over the trip. Calling bright and early to TELL us what time to be where for coffee. I refused to go. No thanks. They then told him we could only see his sick uncle at 1:30 and 4:30 as those are the times he’s up during the day. They portrayed this man as if he would die in the next week. Like literally “maybe you should pack your funeral clothes”. Then tried to insist we went on that day at the appropriate times.
Ready for it? I insisted to wait until the next day… I just didn’t want them to steal the show. I wanted more quality time with his “dying” uncle. To over stimulate him less. You know, if he’s only up for a couple hours a day. Day 2 we went at 1:30 as directed. I expected to find a frail man, basically bed bound, unable to complete his own daily functions. Ready? Like super ready?….. We get there and he’d just got back from getting groceries. Alone. I insisted we carry them in but he was capable. He’s on oxygen and gets short of breath when moving too much. But other than that – He’s very much alive, very much sharp with his brain, very much capable. And NO, he isn’t only up for an hour those two times a day. Sunday we watched football all afternoon. Monday he MOWED HIS OWN HUGE LAWN. This is great news. He was great to visit with and I enjoyed every second.
Am I impressed with what we were told? Heck no. It was so a game to force us to only be there when his parents were. THIS. This is what makes me freaking crazy. The feeling like they need to participate in anything we do with anyone else. I sent Max some links to read about “Enmeshed Families” and adult relationships. Because it’s spot on.
Back to the friends. I spent a lot of time frustrated with the constant need to try to get them to do everything with us. He wanted to compromise. In the end, the only person compromising was me. I did everything asked of me – Dinners, breakfasts, marathon watching (seriously), you name it. But then – After doing all that, being on my best socializing behavior (which is hard for me if you know how tired of people I am) – And then he wanted more. And no, I wasn’t going to go play video games or disc golf for hours. No. Thank you. So, basically I compromised to doing half the time and he pushed and pouted. Not cool. And when I told him he was selfish he finally says – I pushed your limits to far? Uhhhh, yeah. I nicely explained he should be slowly helping to build up my tolerance and confidence. Not push me until I break. Because slow would have had a next time, today I’ll tell you there is no next time – Until we have a child to show where he’s from.
And honestly, he’s never like this. It was a shock to me. Dealing with someone that is normally so amazing and wasn’t for once was rough on me. Super rough. And headed home – He went right back to the amazing person I’m used to. I get it, I get he misses his friends, I get he wanted to fit in everything possible. But he needs to learn and work on relationship balance and friend balance. I guess in reality he doesn’t have a lot of friends here so it’s easy and not something he actually has to put into practice. Of course it needs to be learned and worked on. And maybe I’m super spoiled with not having to share him and have to work on it too.