I Have No Idea What Day It Is!

I am almost reluctant to write this because, superstiously, if I do he will slip back, but Fred seems to be getting a little better.

• He is still showering himself. He did this on his first day home!
• He asked me for a clean shirt this morning.
• His bowel movements are still not totally under his control but he now knows when it is happening most of the time. And it is not diarrhea.
• The swelling in his legs seems to be slowly going down. Under doctor’s orders, he tripled the dose of his normal diuretic this morning.
• He told me this morning that he is willing to wear one of those strap-on urinary collection bags afor a while and he had talked to Nikki {the nurse} about it. Having to insert a catheter every four hours means he is sleeping very lightly. {And me too} Oh, and he managed to do it himself one time during the night. 
• He is remembering to take all his medications twice a day. I still have to be with him to double-check that he is taking the correct ones{on his request} but I have stopped reminding him to take them. {On the first day he was home, I had to ask him if he had checked his blood. This is the man who has been doing it six times a day for over 20 years!}
• He is eating better. I am not offering him food but waiting for him to tell me he is hungry and to tell me what he wants.
• He is occasionally taking off his oxygen and seems to be all right for a short time. When he showers, he leaves the canulla outside the bathroom because there is a heater on the floor in there. A few minutes ago, he left it on his desk when he went to use the commode in the bedroom. {To put this in some sort of a perspective, the first day the visiting nurse came, she put the pulse-ox gadget on his finger and took him off the oxygen to check how he was doing. The effect of talking, plain stringing words together, dropped the reading alarmingly.}

This morning I got a phone call from a social worker. She will be coming with the nurse to discuss  how I can get some help and not feel so overwhelmed. The Ativan worked miracles but it knocked me out eventually and anyway, I don’t want to take drugs I don’t need to. That self-medication was definitely a one-off.

What I NEED I have been thinking, is some time every day or even every day or so, when I can go out and walk. I have been doing this occasionally but I take the cell phone so I am tethered still, so to speak. I need my solitude more than I need a massage. {When I tell you, I am desperate for a massage, you will realize how much I need some solitude, too.}

I appreciate all the notes and the encouragement to keep writing. I try not to whine but whining is sometimes what I need to do. When I am really the Queen of Whiners, I will make my entries private. Otherwise, I will carry on as I am doing…

Off to clean out the potty-chair…

Until later…