It’s me, PockyGod, who RPed a character named Salvatore.
I randomly decided to check OpenDiary and read my old writings. I guess it wasn’t really random– my life currently is filled with stress and great emotional pain. I think I just wanted to escape my present life and take a look at what my past self was like.
My past self was also in pain, everyday. It was a miserable, misunderstood, angry, lonely child.
I typed up a lot of wordy, but brutally honest and truthful entries. I didn’t hold back, and was aware of how much of an asshole I might come across as. It was very relieving, freeing, invigorating. I was anonymous and could say whatever I wanted. There was no repercussions, no bridges that will be burned, no audience to impress.
But, there you go NatashaLenn, you would reach out to me and comment on my entries. You would tell me how you can relate to some of my suffering, that you understand me, or at least be validating that it’s okay to be like this. You would leave positive notes, without coming across as patronizing, or trying to fix me. I wrote a lot of cringe-inducing stuff (including the format and tone of language itself). You read through them all, and still, remained and kept reaching out to me.
I’m crying right now. I feel a bittersweet pain. I am looking back and deeply appreciate what you have done for me. Your gift of empathy, acceptance, companionship, and gentleness was a really big deal to me. It still is. I feel pain from not knowing how to contact you after all these years; after so many things have changed on OpenDiary.
I hope you are doing well. I will never forget you. I wish a happy, fulfilling life for you. Thank you for being my friend. I mostly post about my bad sides and ill feelings so that’s most of what you know about me, and yet you treat me so kindly. Thank you Lenn. Thank you so much.