Wendy Lady

I spent twelve hours with ninjas today, both of them – sort of at different times . . . But I had a really good day, and an interesting conversation with Draogn tonight . . . .

Tiger asked if I could take him Christams shopping for his family, and we just had a great afternoon hanging out. Went to the mall, had lunch as one of my favorite little out-of-the-way Chinese places in Ashland he had never been to (Bento place) and we came back to my apartment to just relax for a bit. We talked a lot about life, about his ex and what is going on with that, and watched music videos and just had fun.

Before we left for the mall, I stopped and had a conversation with the boy’s step-dad because I find the man funny. He tries to push buttons with me, see if he can offend me, embarrass me – come on, I play those games too Mister, and I have got you beat 😉 Actully, part of the goal is to embarrass the boys, but every time he does it to make them walk away so he can pull me aside; “I really appreciate you taking an interest in the boys. Obviously you see something in them, and it means a lot to me that someone thinks they are great people and takes the time to be with them and encourage them.” I think I got that about word for word on what he told me today, and many other times. It seems silly, but his respect does mean a lot to me . . .

Well, step-dad and mom had a company party they were invited to, black tie affair, and step-dad asked if I would like to spend part of the evening hanging out with the boys at their place and help watch their sisters, because they were going to “make of night of it” and stay out all night. I.E. Dad speak: Babysit the babysitters . . . . Well, I did, and it was interesting . . . Got there right as they were about to head out, and I must add that step-dad looked sharp and mom looked very professional.

Let’s just say original plans changed, I ended up watching the girls mostly because I have “maternal instincts” according to Dragon (duh! I may not want any of my own right now, but I know how to work with kids and I am actually really good at it.) But I had a great time just hanging out, getting to know Drew a bit more, talking with “Booger” (Drew’s girl friend, and a sweet but INSANE girl) and just having a fun evening. Tiger took off to visit with a friend had hadn’t seen since . . . last June I think (and he felt like shit because he thought he was abandoning me). And Dragon was just so frustrated with everyone but me that he hid for awhile, he let me actually run his house for a bit because he just wanted a bit of time to himself. At one point he made a comment about when Tiger got home, he was going to ask if we could leave and he could spend the night at my house . . .

Well, we ended up sitting in his room so Drew and Booger could have some time, and Dragon just wanted to talk. He made a comment about how alike we are except in one regard – I am the center of whatever group I am in; I become the leader regardless, and that I am the ‘heart’ in a sense. He is convinced that none of my friends would still be friends because everyone is moving on and away, if it weren’t for me. That I am what pulls everyone back together, that I am what holds them to each other at times . . . He said even tonight that everyone gathers around me, him, his brother, Drew, Booger, even the girls – that even that I do nothing to cause it, I become the center of wherever I am, of whoever I am with. At one point, we had all moved into their room and were sitting on the floor, and he started giggling (tired ninja, ever so cute) and called me the Wendy Lady, and said I was surrounded by my lost boys. . .And I looked around quickly, and yes, I was – and everyone was looking to me . . .

I am the Wendy Lady, and my ‘lost boys’ look to me. I am everyone’s mother, I am the unintentional leader, and I am the center of the family . . .

I understand what Dragon means, and I am starting to see it . . but is it true? Am I only seeing this because I am exhausted right now from negotiating bedtime with a 2 year old? Or is it real . . . If it is, why am I the “center?” I never asked for this, and yet it seems to happen. What is so special about me, so unique that this happens? I am a normal person, I make mistakes, I have my failures, I do not have all the answers. I am often lost in my own life, trying to find my way back to my own path, how can I be a leader? I can barely hold myself together, how can I hold a whole group together? And still, I am the “center,” I am Wendy. . .

Am I really the Wendy Lady?