23.11.2023

I’m sat in the parking lot of a school trying to talk myself into putting a smile on my face and pretend everything is wonderful and watch A’s volleyball game.

Yesterday was a good day… work wise anyway.  I was beginning to feel like myself again.  It was a long evening and I could feel my high wearing off as it wore on.  By the time I got home from A’s hockey game I was almost completely depleted.

I didn’t sleep, I’m sure that’s contributing to where I am today.  Things started out well.  I was determined to get back to how I was feeling yesterday… and then I let one comment get in my head.  I’m sure it wasn’t meant the way that I felt it, but I let it hurt me none the less.

I spent the rest of the day trying to bury myself in work and made myself be productive, trying to block out the negative reel playing in my head.

I had to go to town to make an appearance at a retirement lunch.  I saw M there and tried to play the part to perfection after our last heart to heart where she gave me more than a little tough love.

Now I’m tired.  A deserves me at my best, so I’m trying to gather whatever I have left in me for her.

Just a few more hours.