So today I took myself to the ER with my ex hubby ( we have a great relationship and share two beautiful children together) to advocate for myself and try to get myself some help quicker. I was admitted and they made an exception and let him stay with me to help speak for me as I always clam up when trying to explain my mental health. Anyways, after two hours of waiting (not long at all) I got to speak to the doc. He was so so kind. He explained to me that the dose of meds I’m on right now is usually what is used in like the first week of starting. I’ve been on it for over 6 months. He said it is no surprise it’s not helping as the dose I’m taking is like licking a pill and saying I’m cured lol. I told him about my fear of meds and weight gain and he said he’s never heard of anyone gaining weight on the meds I’m taking so I agreed to keep increasing my dose until we get it right. He also asked a very important question. What are we treating? This is something I haven’t been asked before. I was kinda confused. I told him about my episodes of self harm etc. He asked for my diagnosis which I told him. And then he explained that treating depression with this med might require a lower dose but for my I need treatment for anxiety and it requires a higher dose of up to 200 mgs. I am on 37.5 right now. Today I started taking twice the amount we prescribed and I am hopeful. My biggest turn off to medication was weight gain but if that’s not a side effect I’m so ready to dive in and find my right dose. So grateful I went in.