My Entries Have Not Returned And I Could Not Subscribe

I know that we have to be patient, but I am so desperate to see where I left off in terms of entries, that it’s causing major angst. I’m obsessively checking, refreshing and signing in and out in hopes that suddenly any entries past 2004 appear! I know for a fact I wrote in my diary well into 2010 and maybe onward. My first ever serious relationship is chronicled, my first foray into same sex interests, becoming a god-mother, my first job, my second job, and many jobs thereafter (well, maybe just one other job), a one time rendezvous with someone I went to meet in person after reading their inner most thoughts in OD for 4+ years! So much I want to reflect on. To top it off, the entries that do appear, I come off as a total BITCH! I was awful, so critical, and self-righteous. Sadly, I’m not convinced much has changed.

I was reading entries to my wife that were cringe worthy. I myself was cringing. I did have to explain to her that these were my innermost thoughts at the time, and the people I referred to (in pseudonym form) did not read my diary or have access to it (unless I gave public access to an entry I wanted them to read to spark dialogue). So, there is something to be said for the element of “secrecy.” We vent far more, saying horrrid things and truly don’t hide our disgust. At least I did not lol. It was terrible nonetheless.

Hence why I am DESPERATE for the rest of my more positive entries. The ones where I’m happy, hopeful, complimentary and certainly kinder with my words!

Help me with my OD, OD!

Much Love Always To All My Readers, The Rose