This morning I took my dog out to use the bathroom. As she pondered around I saw the most beautiful red bird sitting on a wire. As my head was a haze, my eyes swollen, and my thoughts from the night before absent. It was like walking around after a natural disaster sure it’s the same place but it’s different now. That little red bird was the only thing that made it worth getting out of bed this morning.
Last night I got home from work to find all of her stuff gone. It stung a little more than I expected it to. I decided to drive to the store get a six pack and drink the evening away. I laid down in my hammock and ignored the 50 phone calls and 400 text from the day. I was completely finished… Then I got a text saying “I’m coming over” I told her not to but she was already half way there. I told her “please don’t, I don’t need or want this tonight…” She came anyway. I finished the beer I was nursing on as she pulled in the drive way. She walked up to the back porch slowly and hands me a card. “what’s this?” I ask. She tells me she’s got an appointment with a therapist. I’m really not sure how to respond to such things since I grew up in the country and we didn’t really talk about our feelings that much, where I’m from you made up and got on with your day… If it helps, a Therapist fine by me. I got up out of my hammock and looked in her tear filled eyes. It really hurt to see her like this. I motioned her in for a hug and she laid her head on my shoulder. She sobbed until my shirt was soaked in her tears. I felt awful. She told me she had forgotten her glasses at home so it was going to be hard on her to see the road on her way home. I’m pretty sure it was on purpose, but either way I didn’t want her to endanger herself. there was a storm rolling in, it was dark and she had no glasses. I didn’t want to see her get hurt. I offered her the bed room for the night, but she turned it down.
She keep asking if we we’re broken up for good. I really didn’t know how to answer. I mean there are things about her that I absolutely love but there are other things that I absolutely hate. For the moment I told her we we’re taking a break. She can go back and live with her family, we can hang out maybe a couple times a week. I figured if she worked on that temper of her’s maybe we could have something again someday, who knows. I mean I’m willing to give things a chance but I’m never going to allow tantrums and arguments.
It was staring to sprinkle outside when I walked her out the door. I told her to be careful and to take care of herself. I gave her a big hug and told her things would be okay one way or another as she got into her car. I waved as her car backed out of the driveway and headed down the road. I walked back in the house feeling a bit better about everything. That’s when the guilt trip text started rolling in. Well that’s what I assumed they were. “it’s so bad out here I can’t even see.” “my cars making a noise, I guess I’ll just have to call whoever to help.” “I’m not going to sleep at all tonight.” My only thought was “you could have stopped all of this weeks ago when we talked about everything that was going wrong.”