How did it ever seem perfect?

My best friends has frequently said that she viewed my marriage as something to work toward and something to want to attain.

How have I been so amazing at masking reality my entire life?

From essentially the point in life that there was abuse to hide, I became a master of masking.

Some people could see through it and some never had a clue because I was able to mask so well.

I am grateful for every teacher and coach who could see through it and tried to find a way to help me even if they weren’t able to.

But when it came to my marriage, I feel like an absolute idiot for masking. Being an abused child is one thing when it comes to masking, but as an adult why did I mask it?

It’s funny that above I mention that I am a master of masking but then I was about to start this with I’m just not good at hiding things, or so I thought.

I don’t know at any point that anyone would have looked at my marriage and thought that is amazing. I don’t feel I ever portrayed myself as happy with my marriage because I never was.

My family thinks my soon-to-be-ex-husband as a saint and they’d probably want to keep him over me. That is my mother’s side of the family. My father’s side of the family is much better to me than that.

Just never believe that a marriage you witness is great. Marriages are performances and I was just better than I thought at playing the part.

Sadly, there is no Oscar at the end of a wonderfully played out awful marriage.

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