Recent Entries

• Whiplash

  October 5, 2023

  So shit has taken so many turns since I last wrote and I do not even know where to begin or what to share. My wonderful fearful avoidance attachment ruined something amazing and I'm left with only myself to blame. As he said, I knew I had made things weird and kept pushing it which…

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• More than you know

  September 25, 2023

  I feel more than you ever know. I decided last night that it is time I grab this moment of reinvention and run with it. I am no longer my marriage. I am no longer my divorce. I am no longer all of the hurt. I am no longer going to allow those things to…

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• This is what I came home to

  September 24, 2023

  I am home for the weekend between my stints in New York City. I have been looking forward to getting some great time with my kids as I have missed them so much. During this whole divorce, the ex and I are still co-habitating in our house, though I'm in the basement. So I have…

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• What I wish I could say

  September 22, 2023

  If I could say everything I wanted to my stbxh I would cuss him out for breaking me. I know I've posted stuff like this recently but he broke me to where I didn't allow myself to feel for nearly 25 years. I bottled up all the parts of me that could feel and buried…

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• Shadow Journaling

  September 21, 2023

  So I've decided to start shadow journaling. I have no idea how that will go but I think it could be good for me. The prompt today: What do you wish your friends and family knew about you? I needed you. I needed you to notice that I was hurt and struggling. I wore a…

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• The ways that you have

  September 19, 2023

  There's this grip that you have on me. I can't get through my day without wondering where you are, what you're doing, how you look, if your eyes are as magical now as they were before. My mind, my heart, and my body are in submission to your control. The ways you tell me not…

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• Is this one of those moments?

  September 18, 2023

  So this has absolutely nothing to do with my ex, I'll just preface that. I feel like I have found myself in the middle of something amazing. This is something that checks all of the blocks. The diamond in the rough, needle in a haystack and every other cliché saying you could come up with.…

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• How did it ever seem perfect?

  September 14, 2023

  My best friends has frequently said that she viewed my marriage as something to work toward and something to want to attain. How have I been so amazing at masking reality my entire life? From essentially the point in life that there was abuse to hide, I became a master of masking. Some people cou...

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• Like a perfect Tetris board

  September 13, 2023

  Life feels like it is falling into place in the most symbiotic manner possible. Today, a co-worker sent me a job ad for a position with another group that he knows the hiring manager for. See, he has said that I am far better than the position I have and that in our group I…

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