Latest Entry

What I wish I could say

September 22, 2023
If I could say everything I wanted to my stbxh I would cuss him out for breaking me. I know I've posted stuff like this recently but he broke me to where I didn't allow myself to feel for nearly 25 years. I bottled up all the parts of me that could feel and buried…
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Recent Entries

  • Shadow Journaling
    September 21, 2023
    So I've decided to start shadow journaling. I have no idea how that will go but I think it could be good for me. The prompt today: What do you wish your friends and family knew about you? I needed you. I needed you to notice that I was hurt and struggling. I wore a…
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  • The ways that you have
    September 19, 2023
    There's this grip that you have on me. I can't get through my day without wondering where you are, what you're doing, how you look, if your eyes are as magical now as they were before. My mind, my heart, and my body are in submission to your control. The ways you tell me not…
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  • Is this one of those moments?
    September 18, 2023
    So this has absolutely nothing to do with my ex, I'll just preface that. I feel like I have found myself in the middle of something amazing. This is something that checks all of the blocks. The diamond in the rough, needle in a haystack and every other cliché saying you could come up with.…
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  • How did it ever seem perfect?
    September 14, 2023
    My best friends has frequently said that she viewed my marriage as something to work toward and something to want to attain. How have I been so amazing at masking reality my entire life? From essentially the point in life that there was abuse to hide, I became a master of masking. Some people cou...
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  • Like a perfect Tetris board
    September 13, 2023
    Life feels like it is falling into place in the most symbiotic manner possible. Today, a co-worker sent me a job ad for a position with another group that he knows the hiring manager for. See, he has said that I am far better than the position I have and that in our group I…
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  • WE ACCEPT THE LOVE WE THINK WE DESERVE
    September 12, 2023
    As I was heading to the train station to leave town for a work assignment, I was one of the most eye-opening conversations with a Lyft driver. Traffic was bad so he had plenty of time to overshare, but to also just share. So he was talking about his daughter who had ended up with…
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  • As things become more real
    September 9, 2023
    Things are becoming more and more real. This part of chapters of my book is over. I'm not even sure which part I would be one in my book, but this one is actually coming to a close. Obviously, I have children with this man so there will always be some cross over from this…
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  • A work in progress
    September 6, 2023
    The writing that opened up the flood gates.   Some walls built never meant to fall standing against the force of a thousand storms Tattered and always torn around a heart so fragile and frayed The heart that stared at the sky as the rains rose around it The heart that was before so strong&he...
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  • To new beginnings
    September 4, 2023
    This is a fresh new start. A new diary; one where I am not looking for anyone that I know or knew from here. I need this place for myself. A place that people in my home cannot just pick up and read as they can do with my physical journal. I bottled up writing…
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