Letters across a page, flowing from my fingers in a never ending stream of consciousness. As time goes by they never leave me alone, I used to call them My Demons. Always Howling deep withing looking for any weakness to latch onto. I would pour forth any and all pain be it real of imaginary upon the written page. Composition notebooks filled with so may of them. To a point that I ended up one day out of Fear and stupidity throwing most of them away. All the Past never to be seen or repeated I guess. I lived it, I’m still here. That should count for something. Now I am much older but does that make me wiser? To this day I still don’t know. Now I have Kids of my own instead of being a Kid and I can only hope that i am doing right by them since they are both about to become Adults within the next 2 years. All I can do is hope.
I used to confront my fears at least on the written page and either make fun of them or exaggerate things into some sort of Fiction. It was easy to write from a Place of pain but twist it to seem as if none of it was real. Now those “Demons” are silent, or I am just at an age where I no longer hear them. Then again it could be that I finally years ago when they silenced married my soulmate which allowed things to finally click into place. Now I am not saying that the last soon to be 19 years has been easy or without Pain but it has been nothing like when I would write every day and just VOMIT all this Poison and Vitriol out. Hell if I was still writing everyday I would be impressed. I still have stories and things but I can’t justify in my mind the time between Work and Family to actually do any of it, and if I have the time then I find some other distraction to take its place.
I lack discipline and I know it. The thing is if I truly could find a way within my own head to feel good about shutting myself in and write I could most likely do it. I have done it actually at least for a time. Perhaps as I have said before this will become a place for me to start that everyday writing again. Or at least every so often writing.
I have no drama with my life so there will be none of that when I write but I am going to try and get back to my Poetry and Story writing as well. Since Daily posts of me talking about Going to work, going home, and Cooking dinner ETC is just boring and even I would not want to read any of that.