I can hear you

just can’t understand ya. You know, knowing that things are said behind your back, from your own family can make you a bit paranoid. As far as I know, nothing new has been said. Still, I hear them talking most of the night when I am laying down in the bed trying to sleep. I can’t hear them clearly, mainly because my sister likes to sleep with the bathroom fan on in moms room. She says it helps her sleep. Anyway but I’m always paranoid they are discussing me. Mom may ask about S, and seems to accept me going back  to NC, I know that doesn’t mean she ain’t upset and talking about me or him . I hate feeling like this, and having to deal with their issues. I’m trying to deal, but it’s not easy. I never really have quiet moments. It sucks. I love them though, and I want them to get better and soon. I do want them to be happy, but it’s hard trying to encourage someone who wants to stay in the negative a lot. It’s depressing, and I’m so sad at how life has been for mom. I just wish life would let up, for all my family. Ugh! Anyway I just pray that things continue to look up for them. I really do. I just can’t stay here. I have enough stress on my plate as it is.

on another note, I did get to talk to s today. Our schedules clash so much it’s been mostly texting. He seems to be trying more, so we’ll see. I’m just ready for good things to happen for once. Tired of life being so depressing