Lord please,

Just let me pass this semester. This one has been most challenging, not only is the work more complicated, so has the issues I’ve had to deal with this year. It’s been so hard to concentrate and I find myself getting frustrated more, and tend to block out valuable study time. I need to be able to better concentrate, I don’t want this all to be for nothing. I’m passing, but I’m not 100% happy with my progress. I certainly hope 2020 is better and less stressful than this year had been, well shit this whole time I’ve been in school. I have a final exam Tuesday and I’m no where near ready. I will do my best to study and be ready (thankfully we can have our books) but my GOD I’m tired of this stressful ass semester lol. So again I say, LORD PLEASE just let me pass. I will do my best to get ready for this, and of course I’ll pray. I still have homework assignments due, so I’ve been working on those. I mainly do so when S is at work, cause I’m not as distracted lol. Boy I sure picked a great time to start college, should have done this when I lived alone lol. I had all the free time in the world then…but it’s cool. Most of it is laziness, but a lot has been the stressful things I’ve had to deal with this year. It’s been crazy.

Anyway still looking for work. I think I’ll just do grocery again as a place holder. I can’t afford to hold off, my last paycheck coming will only go so far, and I need income. So I’m praying for good things on the job front this time around. I hope i can get my foot in the door as a sub at schools, we shall see. That application process was stressful too haha. But yeah once I’m out of school for the semester, I can definitely concentrate more on finding work.

So as far as S and I go, I’d say it’s going pretty well. I know it’s just the beginning of this “reunion” and I still keep a back up plan in mind (just in case), but I’m liking things this time around. He seems to have wised up some, he’s been more attentive more loving and more supportive. I’m slowly starting to let some of my guard down, but I won’t let it come down so easy until I see proof this sticks this time lol. He pretty much has to earn my trust, he  shit all over it last time lol. But yeah, it’s been really good. We had a nice talk last night, he said the same thing to me, that he said in text and on the phone: that he really wants us to work. He said he’ll do what it takes to make this work and that he’ll treat me right. He told me he hated the separation and didn’t wanna do that again. He says he wants to marry me and make me his mrs. It’s good to know that’s still in the plans, but he does need to close that gap. I mean ya know…it’s not like we JUST met or JUST started dating. So yeah, but overall it’s been really nice. It’s been nice seeing my dog too. I missed the furry critter lol.

Anyway I am gonna take my butt to bed, I”m tired and need to rest my brain after that homework assignment I did today lol. I hate Geology….in case you wanted to know…haha.