So that story I said I’d tell ya…

*This is a long post, btw lol*

So you guys may remember I was going to tell you about the liar, one caught in a life, but defends all lies (even if they are stupid). First I am going to start with the texts I got from him prior to that. First, I am nearing the end of my shift at work (this was end of December) and instead of something decent, I get a message about how we need to talk about our sex life, and that his feelings on the subject may not matter to me, that he wants to give it another shot before sex is totally off the table for us. He says if I don’t feel anything is wrong with our sex life, that is cool too. I have tried several times to explain what’s going on, the fact that I feel he doesn’t care, the fact that I literally cannot get aroused so it’s hard for me to get into anything because I am depressed. To him, this means I just flat out don’t want to have sex. I really don’t want to with him anymore, THAT is the problem. He pressures me so bad, I end up giving in just to gain a lil bit of peace, you know the lesser of two evils. He can be mean when he pulls the silent treatment too.

Well I never replied to the text, because I was not about to let that fuck up my mood at work. Well, when we got home he played the silent treatment and would NOT talk about what he texted me about. So, I talked to him ONCE again about what’s up. He doesn’t care, as usual. He didn’t even bother to reply. So yeah, I ended up crying, and I think he had the nerve to because his ego is hurt by me not wanting him sexually. He’s upset that I don’t touch him like he does me anymore, and he does this so much it’s not even soothing nor arousing. My feelings about him have completely changed, so it’s hard for me to feel in the mood anymore. Depression is not easy, dealing with it alone is harder. He doesn’t care enough to try to support or comfort me. So that’s why I don’t try anymore. Later that evening, as he was still being silent I was looking over his shoulder as he was playing a game, and I see a text from a girl named Ann. I have seen her name several times before, this past year and even years before when I lived here the first time. He hates when I ask who someone is, but he makes it a point to never text them back in front of me, Sometimes I see what they’ve said, when he slips. I just never said anything, but it bothered me. I didn’t want his attitude. This night though, I asked who Ann was, because I see he talks to her ALL the time, and I see she flirts with him. I have seen this before in the past two, they sent kisses, hearts, tongue emoji’s, even seen them call him sexy or he said I dunno, but either way it’s flirting. At this point I”m already done with him, but it still makes me mad. 

So here comes the part where I say the LIAR comes out. He told me that Ann was a girl named Ruby that he used to work with at the bakery in the grocery store. He also told me that what he was sent was not flirting. That lie makes no damn sense, because I know he’s friends with Ruby and he always had her name in as her actual name. So I didn’t believe that “Ann” was Ruby,  I’ve seen him text Ruby and I’ve seen texts from Ann. So because my intuition didn’t sit well with me, I texted Ruby and I asked her if any part of her name was Ann. She said no, and asked why. So that’s when I let her in on the situation with S and I and we had a talk and she even gave some advice. She didn’t quite get some things, but I had to do more explaining about all that I have had to deal with with him. She asked if I thought he had cheated, I said I believe so. I have no physicals proof, but things I have seen and read tell me I think he did. So I know S was lying about who Ann was. Every time we have a fight, he starts texting someone (and it’s not his son) and even tho he tried to keep it from me, I always end up seeing something. He just thinks he’s getting away with it. Nothing else went on that night, I just went to sleep. He seemed in a better mood the next day.

However, before my shift I get another text rant from him, while I am on my way to work mind you. He asks, “why are you worried about someone supposedly flirting with me when we have much more major issues.” he asked if I thought he was a dumbass to not be discreet if some female was texting him. He told me to stop creating problems and to focus on the real problems we are having. HE says he’s had enough stress and he doesn’t need anymore. AS IF I DON’T HAVE STRESS, he just doesn’t care. Well I was at work, it upset me but I pushed it down and concentrated on work. It helped me because I could suppress the urge to cry. I had no intention of replying, first I didn’t know what I’d say anyway, and second I was too upset to have a clear understanding of what I’d reply. Well, since I didn’t reply, he got mad and says midway through my shift, “well I am  you think so much of me, now he sees where he really stands with me and that if this is how it’s going to be, then I am done!! I do not need this shit in my life!! I literally could not deal, so I just was not going to say anything. When he picked me up he was quiet AF and did everything he could to avoid being in the same room with me for a good while. Then out of nowhere he was back to his silly self, actually talked to me, blah blah blah. I’m like huh? So when new year hit, he didn’t have anything planned, just wanted to fuck into the new year (the only thing he has to offer). Not once did he mention  his previous texts to me, it was like it never happened. 

So the past few days he’s been acting decent…ish. He had some issues with his car, and so rent is going to be late cause he had to use some of the money to fix it. But, he knows I don’t have any extra money, and his son COULD help but won’t. He won’t ask him anyway. This afternoon though, he made it a point to text me and his son to tell us that he doesn’t have the money to pay for groceries and all the bills  and that what we have at home is it. He felt the need to let us know this why? First off, I don’t have extra money. The money I do have was given to me by friends who wanted to help me out, and I didn’t bother to tell him I had it. I still don’t have my stimulus, and I wonder if I am even going to get it this time. I don’t get paid til Friday, so what I have I have to use to get to work until I get paid. I don’t understand why he had to tell us he has no money and that we just have whatever food is left at home,  DUH. He could have just sent that to his son, the one with the money. The son who he only asks $300 a month from, while I am expected to do the same AND help with bills AND groceries that WE buy and cook while his son just eats it all up. If his son is saving up to move, why do I see new boxes of JORDANS, WEED and PlayStation accessories in the house? Why was he able to save up to drive to Indy for Christmas? Yeah, this whole situation is unfair. I literally just got the second job, and I will be starting it in a few days. So duh, I have no extra money yet. Like I mentioned before, I will do what I am supposed to do as a responsible adult and help with food and/or rent, but nothing and I mean NOTHING extra. If I wanna splurge on me, I will. He splurges on weed, so it’s ok.

My main goal is to save up extra money by watching my spending, so I can get myself out of debt and out of this living situation sooner. He won’t know what I’m planning until he has to know. I don’t think I will have a problem getting out of this lease. For one, I am not on here based on my income, even though I had to sign it. I wasn’t working at the time of signing. I was “allowed” to stay here so long as S and his son made enough money to  cover income requirements. Second, they would be gaining a tenant with me getting a one one bedroom, and would still have S and his son living in this place. I am still praying that it all works out for me, I think it will. I just know I cannot stay here much longer. I can’t do a full year with them. I hope to be out by April if at all possible. I don’t have much stuff, so I can move my shit in suitcases or boxes. I can’t live with a liar and his disrespectful ass son. So between now and my target date, I will be saving as much money as possible. Every paycheck will have an amount added and any refunds I get from school, tax, or IF I get the stimulus check this time, are all going towards savings. I put $25 of the money I had been given into savings, I had zero in there for quite a while. I still need to get my biggest credit card out of the negative. That’s one thing I plan to do ASAP.

SO yeah, and no matter what I will not be using those credit cards until they are completely (or at least mostly) paid off (Only in an extreme emergency would I consider using them before they are paid off). I am working on fixing my credit, so I need to get that taken care of first. Anything that will help my chances of getting my own apt. Apts here are expensive, the cheapest one in this complex is 920, but with what I’d make on both jobs it’s doable. It’s almost like getting 21 an hour, between the two. If I can get 20 a week from each job, that’d be 40 hours that would bring in enough to more than satisfy the income requirement. My own rental history is perfect. I will worry about how I will get back and forth between jobs. The fact that they are on the bus line, I can take an uber/lyft, and I can walk between jobs when I work both on the same day, that will mean I have options. I won’t have to ask him for shit. When I get to the point where I have time, I can work on getting my own transpo period, but I won’t let the fact that I don’t have a car, stop me from getting where I need to be.