What is wrong with me? This has been the main question drilling through my mind ever since I was a kid. I’m a 24 soon to be 25 year old man and I’ve always felt like a failure, I feel as though I should just kill myself because I’ve never been good at anything really, sure I’m decent at art but I’ll never make it. Besides what’s the point, Ever since I was a kid I knew it was very risky to get into the art field but unfortunately this is the only thing I care about, art whether it be a picture, a comic book, a movie or a video game is the only thing that gives my life meaning, it’s the only thing I want to do but it’s very risky to get involved in that field. I hate myself for not being a good son that can just go to school, pay attention and get the degree that will make me a good amount of money and make my family proud, Why did I have to be the rebel, why can’t I focus, why can’t I just confirm. I cant think, my mind is constantly all over the place and it’s been that way since I was a kid, but oddly enough one thought has stayed with me from childhood all the way to now and that thought was that I cannot imagine life past the age of 25. Now out of pure frustration and self hatred I’ve now gone and done something stupid, I quit my job now of all times during a pandemic, all because I can’t figure this shit out. Why did I have to be me, why cant I just get my shit together, why cant I figure out my path and be a responsible adult, I dont know what to do. The only thing that has been on my mind in recent years is a final ultimatum. If by the age of 30 If I do not come any closer to figuring this all out then I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do to myself, because I refuse to become another freeloading man child that constantly has to depend on and still lives with his parents, I just can not allow it. People around me think I’m some naive kid because I’m quiet and smile a lot but deep down I’m not naive, I’m constantly thinking and worried about the future, I just feel so lost, I just want the pain to stop, I want to run far away and never have to worry about this stuff ever again, but I have to figure this out, I have to find some way to fix this problem, to find my path so that I can finish school, I absolutely have to figure this out now or else I don’t know.