It feels like so much longer …

than 45 days or so since my last entry. Highlights are needed at this point in order to catch up …

Vancouver was amazing … time spent with Danitra and her family unit will be stamped into my heart; Abigael was a real trooper and put in days with hours in a stroller, or walking, or being carried and showing us adults what FUN really means; Danitra showed her abrasive and inconsiderate side, and then showed her vulnerable and ‘my little girl all grown up’ side – and for that I am so grateful to have witnessed; Jason showed his love for my daughter in the littlest of ways, and those are the ones that mean the most
a week back to work, and then off again on a writing retreat to Ogema with the Prairie Quills; to be honest, I was traveled out and really could have used a weekend at home, but I also needed a jump start on a new season of writing, and it did turn out to be a successful weekend … long, but successful; I accepted position of President for a second year, and may goal is to increase our membership by two members, and put more emphasis on promoting our group and my writings on social media platforms;
the weather in September sucked, with a week of below freezing temps and 8 – 10” of snow; I don’t think there was more than 5 hours of sunshine all month, and that’s what makes it the worst; I can deal with cold, as long as I can see blue skies and sunshine; it’s 10.22 now, and the last week has been 15 degrees plus, and we have another week of the same ahead; Bring It On!!
I was booked to babysit Abigael the last weekend in September, and as it turned out, it was (supposed to be) a surprise visit from my sister and her boy for the weekend, but unfortunately the diabetes that has settled in on Andrew was unmanagable so they had to cancel:( The kids did their best to still hang out, but the excitement of Aunti Bug visiting was gone and everything felt flat … disappointment will do that.
Thanksgiving went well … overall … sadness and missing Dennis still dull the holidays for me, especially when I’m sitting at the table with my kids and their respective others and my grandkids, and I’m overwhelmed with gratitude to have the blessing of family, and he’s not sitting at the other end of the table; he seems farther away since my last dream, and I think because it was a ‘letting go’ dream … he told me what to do, and now I just need to do it …
The last two weeks have been spent on pushing out my story for the library reading this past Friday evening; what a challenge!! but a learning experience as well in the process of writing a story … 1) stick to the initial idea as much as possible – don’t get sidetracked, especially in the case of a short story 2) contain research and again – don’t get sidetracked 3) make lists for an event and look at them consistently and delegate as much as possible – I do not need to do everything 4) have the story completed one week before event – personal deadline No Excuses – this will give time to get critiques from others and changes can be made
The library reading went over well I think, although I haven’t heard comments from other PQ members; as MC, I think I did okay as well, with a couple of bobbles, but I had fun and I think the audience enjoyed themselves as well; I do like a microphone in my hand hahahahahahah who woulda thunk? My parents came, and I advised Kaity ahead of time so she would know and there wouldn’t be an unexpected run-in with my Dad. My story’s ending took people by surprise, and maybe I should have ended it differently for a public reading, but it’s how I saw the story end when I was first piecing it together.
I went to a writing workshop on Saturday with Madonna Hamel and it was incredible!! She gave me (us) direction in how to create a story using the balloon exercise, timed writing, word plops, and highlighting … another story begins, and I will use to open up Bofana more.
Russell and I are speaking more openly and honestly … although he says that it’s only me who’s doing that, as if he isn’t part of the equation … it doesn’t really matter I suppose, because I’m not changing my decision – he is still married, regardless of a “quiet separation” from his wife. I can wait it out, but at the same time, I’m not going to just sit around and do nothing until his responsibilities to Pat are complete aka divorce / death … and yes, I can say death, because that’s exactly what happened in my world.
Dan and I maintain our friendship, with flirting ahhahahaha … I don’t know if we will ever meet … and in some ways, I’d be okay if we didn’t. However, he has a way of looking at life and intimacy and sex that I would like to experience … even if only for a getaway at a resort ….
And then there’s John, whom I didn’t see coming … a 35 year old man I work with … a part of me was attracted to him almost from the start, but he’s 20 years younger than me, he had a girlfriend, and he’s sooooo fucking hard to read … that is until he moved my garden shed this summer, and little sparks between us started to fire … and now, right now … as I am writing this, he is upstairs sleeping in my bed. I told him up front about Russell and Dan, and that I don’t want a boyfriend, that I’m interested and curious about sex, and that sometimes I just don’t have time to be with a man because I’m busy with other activities … he’s okay with all of that … he’s up front as well, that he can be clingy and needy, and at the same time, he likes his solitude as much as I do. So we shall see where ‘whatever this is’ goes …
I am starting counselling this week, although I’m unsure of the need for it anymore … my first session was of course two hours of emotional word vomit to Maureen, but that was three weeks ago. It feels like I have my poop in a group again and I sort of don’t see the purpose in going again. Thing is, if I don’t at least try her suggestion of EMDR, I won’t know if it will help me with the shit stuff that I just can’t seem to let go of.

I think that’s about it …. oh no one more thing …. guess who’s going to JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE in two weeks!!!!!! Kaity surprised me yesterday with a ticket, and my sister is going with me!!!!! Omg, I screamed like a fucking teenager (no offence to teenagers hahahahah), but OMG JT??? And I get to wear my RED BOOTS ahahahahah

That’s it that’s all ….. for now;)