I can’t smoke any more cigarettes because my chest hurts and now i don’t know what to do. I need to use the bathroom and i can’t get up because it’s too cold outside of my bed. I guess this is what they call a rock in a hard place. Or something like that. I don’t know who to trust anymore, where to go anymore, or what life is anymore. I guess this is my starting point and if it’s a low one, the only way is up. Is it?
No one ever tells you that life won’t make sense, or that one day, you’ll be walking down a street you don’t even like wondering how on earth you came to be here. And that no street at all could really make you happy because you just don’t know what you’re looking for. What would make a nice street? I don’t know. Picket fence? Nah. graffiti old houses like in that beyonce video? Nah. big buildings? Nah. LIttle coffee shops? Maybe. Shops just make me want to spend money. No one ever tells you this and it’s really confusing.
I know i’m looking for something… I know I left something behind. I think a future part of me left a clue just around the corner here somewhere, or maybe around the next. I know when I find it, everything will start to make sense and I’ll figure this all out. If only I could find this stupid thing. Hard to find something when you don’t even know what you’re looking for.