My journey so far

I  claimed I would write in my diary daily, maybe that was a bit ambitious despite my love for writing as a means of self-expression and therapy. Today has been one of the best days of my life. I understand the sense of the phrase ” Happiness is in the simple things “. Actually as I’m writing right now, two police officers on their radios and in a hurry have walked past my window and I’m thinking ” Isn’t it nice to live a life without that extra worry, they would usually be looking for me “.

Today is also my 8th day without a cigarette. Quitting smoking was something always at the back of my mind, I had done it for two years a few years ago.

Last night I went to bed at approximately 3.00am with the aid of two Zopiclones. I woke up a few times to start with, I realised there was a dark chocolate & peanut bar and that I was sleeping with it. Half awake and high on Zopiclone I stuffed it down my throat. I’m usually too immune to meds to get a high off Zopiclone but having left meds, drugs and substances alone for a while I remember myself sniggering as I  slowly munched the tasty thing. Straight back to sleep without switching my YouTube off on my phone which was left playing all sorts of horrible crime and murder programmes that have fully captivated my attention for years now. I got up at 10.05, had two large coffees that I decided to have in a bowl. After that, I went for a walk thinking I would check out for the second time in a month, the local renowned art gallery to see what exhibitions were on. There was a room full of very interesting art work from prisoners from nearby prisons. Imagining the offenders behind the art and the emotions they must feel whilst composing really got me thinking. One question I asked myself was what would they do with my life of near total freedom if they had the opportunity I have of doing what I feel like doing? Second thought was, someone could be in my shoes right now looking at my artwork if I hadn’t booted my ass in the right direction not long ago. Always seeking escapism, art is definitely something I would’ve turned to locked up in a cell. Anyway, after that walk I got home and installed Netflix again on my TV, tidied the house and put my essential oil dispersing machine on. I’ve been a hardcore hip hop and rap fan for most of my life but today for the first time I felt the need to listen to a new relaxing genre of music. I landed on a playlist from Hippie Sabotage which has chilled me out and I am happy to have discovered. I’ve started to dismantle and old wardrobe in my room which I have to repaint.

After discovering the wide health benefits of Hypoxia when safely and properly done, I tried a breathing exercise which consists in hyperventilating a while then holding your breath. Well… It is true that you can hold you breath a very long time that way! I managed 2mins20 the first time without an effort. It seemed like a single minute. Very interesting. I also for no reason at all decided to have a fasting day, no food at all and litres of water to flush out some of the crap accumulated in my body. Well, all this is so so far from the life I was leading less than two months ago! Tomorrow morning I plan to go to church and pray with all my heart that this new path I am on will be the only one on my journey of self discovery.

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May 18, 2019

keep it up! I’m struggling to build a new better lifestyle too. rooting for you!