Letter 2

This was a letter I wrote on 12 May. This afternoon (25 May) I have gone to the post office to post you package number 2. I have adjusted this letter a bit and send you here.  Happy birthday love!

My dear,

I feel like I really need to stop. I’m not very good at dealing with silence, as you know me, always active, always trying to do something. Resilience, endurance, quietness has never been my strength, and I don’t think I can practice them either.

I have sent you my first letter on 11 May, and a small gift. Today (25 May) I have just sent you another letter. And your birthday gift. I have also subscribed to “New Literature” and will subscribe to “Language” for one more year (I have thought of stopping their subscriptions this year, but I’d do them just for you). However, probably that’s all I can do for you. At least, for now, that’s what I think.

We may be silent with each other for years to come. I understand that. And I need to settle with myself, to let go and to forget everything. I don’t blame you, I don’t blame anyone, I don’t blame me also. I don’t expect you to go against your promise or anything, I just learn to accept things as is.  The last one month was the time for me to do certain adjustments for myself, as well as to silently (but still actively) support you, to the degree that I can. Forgive me if it’s not enough, I have tried my best, I can only do so much, love! And I know that you will understand.

I may not go back to this diary site. This may be the last letter I write to you.

Still love you, I think, deep inside my heart, just need to learn to accept the present, and I’m not that strong. Sorry.

Thanks for your presence in my life and thanks for everything you have done for me. Please take good care of yourself. I wish you all good health, good luck, happiness and success in life! Forever!

Vivid Memories

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