#fear

Hi, this feels a little weird but relaxing, i dont have any friends and haven't had any in quite some time, i think the trauma from being ghosted by pretty much every person in my life outside of my immediate family has really made me okay with being alone but a lot of nights it…

Hey there. Forgot about this place. I wrote one entry four years ago on this new account, and then life got in the way, as it is wont to do. I suppose I said what needed to be said at the time. In the past, I've just come here when Nicola springs to mind. I…

I fear that I don’t know what I’m doing. I am so afraid, so busy and so entrenched that I have lost myself in puddles of poop. I don’t have a more elegant way to put it, I know I should be distancing myself from falling into my to-do list but I can’t! I am…

I think I am a good writer. When it comes to putting the thoughts in my head onto paper, I got this! I don’t know how to turn 'this' into something though, something meaningful, useful or lucrative even. Why do I want to make something of 'this' skill? I literally sound like a mad person,…

I wasn’t afraid when my tires caught the edge of the broken asphalt and loose gravel. I wasn’t afraid when the telephone pole drew closer almost as if in slow motion. I wasn't afraid when I realized the car wouldn’t right itself back onto the two lane road. I wasn’t afraid when the impact happene...

"How are you feeling today?" Well, that's an open ended question for me. Yesterday was not any better. I stayed in bed mostly all day. I did attempt in the morning to clean but my body and mind just didn't want to function. I ended up taking a medication holiday yesterday. I did not talk…

Projection is a phenomenon that happens all the time and seems to rarely be discussed. It takes place in many different forms. From my current perspective it is a fundamental issue in all relationships. I'm hoping this entry gains enough visibility to generate some introspection. In our various f...

This song showed up in my Spotify playlist today. It made me think of you. My ex told you got in a little trouble for this, I would love to see this performance. I don’t know how he could ever say I don’t pay attention to him when he talks to me.   https://open.spotify.com/track/33LC84JgLvK2...

My ex can build computers from scratch, he is smart like that. I don't trust him much; he is emotionally immature and abusive from my perspective; he lies to me. I bought a new computer he has never touched and started a new email. I am not taking any chances that he put spyware on…