What Have I Done
I think I took too much
I’m crying here, what have you done?
I thought it would be fun
There’s a shortage in the switch
I can’t stay on your morphine
‘Cause it’s making me itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again
But she’s being a little bitch
I think I’ll get outta here, where I can
Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you’re just like a pill
Right now I am scared.
Did I do the right thing? Well, there is no going back…I have told my sister that I told him not to come back when he goes to Durban.
I don’t know how I am going to do this….guess it is a good thing I have a long leave coming up…
Time to focus on me
Get me right!
Sort out accounts.
Rearrange my life and learn to be selfish and make it all about me.
‘Stead of makin’ me better
You keep makin’ me ill
You keep makin’ me ill
I can’t believe that in a just over a week I am going to be single.
35 and single.
Kinda divorced but with nothing much to show of the marriage….well besides pictures. We don’t have any real mutual friends…we don’t have kids….this could be a clean break.
And to think how I had written my future with him.
Kids names…that I love but can never use, should I ever be lucky enough to have kids.
Dream houses that I pictured living in with him…but now that is gone too…
There’s a shortage in the switch
‘Cause it’s making me itch
Aw, honey, I’m sorry. I know what you told him, but is it possible this might just be a separation? Or are you going to take it all the way? It’s still so new… just happened… so you don’t have to decide this very second and seriously… don’t answer me that either. I’m playing devil’s advocate, but only because you never know how things will wind up.
@caria – this is it. I am done. There is no going back.
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Hon! I’m proud of you! You did the right thing sweetie! Good for you! Now it’s time to kick arse and take names!!! GO!!!!
@ghostpuppet – Take names?
A huge part of me wants to give in.
I don’t know how I am going to manage now on my own.
@ncumisa it’s a saying. It means that is time to get going and live in your own terms. You can do it too.
@ghostpuppet – it hurts. I am sitting at work, right now and holding back tears. I feel like such a failure, right now. I am going to be alone for the rest of my life now. Fuck! There is no going back, it is not that I want to go back, I just wish he would give me a reason to think about going back and making me believe this was all a mistake. They only thing he spoke to me about last night was when he asked me to make him more supper. Like WTF?
@ncumisa *giant hugs* You’ve got this hon. <3
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I’m sorry it’s gotten to this point for you. Please take care of yourself.
You are strong for this, for standing up for yourself and doing what you think is best for yourself
@sleeponflyon – Thank you.
But now we talked yesterday. Promises were made. And he did some smooth talking. Now I am confused.
@ncumisa I think you should take some time to yourself personally. Don’t worry about him.
@sleeponflyon – Great advice!! Just not sure where I would go. So him going to his family was a great thing, but now it isn’t happening.
Why did I ever have to grow up…I should have just stayed as a baby.
@ncumisa maybe you should go somewhere and take some time to yourself. He’s spends money on booze, surely you deserve a spa day or something??
Being a baby is boring. Life is about the journey
@sleeponflyon LOL @ Being a baby is boring. It sure was easier….
He is suggesting Couples Counselling. We did go at the begging of the year but after 2 sessions I refused to go because she was very much on her own trip etc.
I would love a spa day… But I am also thinking maybe we need a few days of just us and working on us…but then again maybe I am being too hopeful…things between us right now are going well…so that is making me even more confused.
@ncumisa things will always go well, until they dont… in the short time I’ve been reading your journey, it seems like you’ve been in this position several times already. How many more times would you like to revisit this place? Taking the time to figure out exactly what you want will help you choose a different path next time though. And even if it is the same path, you won’t walk it the same.
You are important and you matter.
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